A Modest Proposal
(Just to catch you up in case you aren’t up to speed: Banks in the US did some REALLY appallingly boneheaded things and directly contributed to the current WORLDWIDE economic goings-on. Those banks were giving some REALLY appallingly vast amounts of money by the US Government. Said banks then continued to operate in much the same fashion and did things like pay retention bonuses to people whom they failed to retain. This is making virtually everybody angry. I hear the Internet has more info on this.)
These people have proven they are poor decision makers and in other industries they would no longer have jobs, especially provided they are by and large owned by the government. Since these particular organizations have been deemed “too big to fail” or otherwise fundamentally important to the US economy, it is clear they need to remain operational.
Here’s my idea: Let me have a crack at it. Here’s why I am qualified:
* I have been laid off as a direct result of the economy, and therefore have the time to devote to doing this job.
* I happen to know how to operate Quicken, and I know when you look at Quicken and the number at the bottom is red, that’s bad.
* Having looked at the track records of the three men below, I find it hard to believe I could do worse.
* I’m willing to make the sort of sacrifices necessary to set things right. (See below.)
This article says JP Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon’s compensation was $19.7 million in 2008. This one says the CEO of Citigroup (Vikram S Pandit, who said he got the “new reality” of the bailout situation) made $38.2 million in 2008. According to this, the CEO of AIG (not the current guy, he was installed by the government, this is the guy before) made about $25 million a year. So if we round those off, that’s 20 + 38 + 25 or 83 million a year. Divided by 3, that comes out to 27.66 million. Because I want this to be easy, I’m going to round up and say 30 million dollars is about the salary of the three men getting the most attention at the moment for what they are paid. I am willing to do this job for a mere ten percent of that rate, or 3 million a year. Practically a steal!
So, in the interest of serving my country, I am willing to become the CEO of one of these organizations to help steer them back into profitable territory. Mister President, please tell me where to send my W-4 and which one you would like me to take charge of. I await your response.
One Response to “A Modest Proposal”
jnpdx says:
March 19, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Pssh – I’ll undercut you and do the job for a mere HALF of what you’re asking!