The Bananaverse

testing. I just want to see if MarsEdit will do what I want.

THIS is your “iTunes Killer”?!

Let’s not discuss the fact that you are leaving APPLE’s method of distribution but your stuff won’t work on APPLE computers. Let’s not discuss the fact that your quote about “viewers want to be in control” is right but you are making it sound like you give them that control which is not true. Let’s not discuss that the files expire in 7 days, when things I get from iTunes (which DOES work with my machine) last forever and don’t have commercials (like yours). Let’s not discuss that if I were to TiVo these shows I still wouldn’t have to watch commercials. I only ask you this one thing:

Please stop using that word (killer). I do not think it means what you think it means.

Haven’t done one of these in awhile! Here’s some stuff!

* Found out that someone who claims not to be a fan of confrontation (as opposed to all those people who LOVE confrontation, yeah, that’s the ticket!) is looking forward to confronting me but afraid of the confrontation. I apologize if that last sentence hurts your head, but it hurts mine a little too. Mostly it makes me giggle (as I sit here and type in pigtails and a tank top with a giant smiley on it) that someone is afraid of me. It’s amusing, but think about it-everyone who ever taught you how to fight taught you that a good punch starts way back up at the shoulder. I have freakish drag queen man shoulders, so maybe I really AM someone to be feared! With reason, of course. It takes energy to hate someone, so that list is pretty short in the Bananaverse; mostly I just excommunicate people and that suits me fine. This is the part people don’t always understand: Hating someone is still expending energy on that person. That’s why a lot of people who really clash end up together (even briefly), passionate hate is a lot closer to passionate love than a lot of people think. It’s true indifference you should be watching for, that’s not expending any energy at all.

* Do you watch The IT Crowd? OMG start! It is brilliant. And I really like Roy in a way that is probably illegal in a couple of states. Well I hope it is anyway, that’s how you know it’s fun! (: It’s part accent, yeah, but I’m sure it’s also part that he is better looking than a lot of geeks (not being one IRL), and he has that accent, which doesn’t hurt.

* Unrelated to my thing for Chris O’Dowd is the following sentence from work: I just want him to take off his pants and read me the phonebook.

* Other things I really ought to submit to one of the Overheards:
- Hey, I think a couple of your body parts ended up on my desk.
- I had a friend who wanted to file a class-action suit against the nano for being to small LAST time, this won’t help matters.
- No, really, we put up a flowchart on the proper usage of “oh snap!” to prevent confusion.
- I’m sorry sir, but the Jerkface extension is no longer supported. Don’t ever call back.
- Have you seen it? OMG It’s Olsen-twin thin!
- You haven’t eaten any food today! I had a frozen burrito. You haven’t eaten any REAL food today.
- I just got my cauldron out of the shop! Wanna see?
- It isn’t that you have adventures, you just end up uttering these very odd sentences.
- Do you know why my job is awesome? My boss knows exactly what cocktail is suited for what kind of meeting.

No, a lot of those weren’t even things *I* said! I post some of them on Twitter too so you can check there if you like your updates short. (:

* What’s the word for these ultra-Republicans who think “Oh, I’m not gay, but the guy blowing me is!” So far we’ve come up with: Republicrite, Foleysexual, and Republiqueer. I’m not sure any of them are quite catchy enough. If you have one please leave it in the comments.

* BREAKING NEWS: I killed a spider! ME! Not like a teeny baby spider either. This thing was HUGE, we’ve had a couple of them in the house now and the last one made me scream so loud I almost lost my voice. Luckily the sound paralyzed it (I think) because it didn’t move and The Scoot came and squished it. He wasn’t home yesterday and I had to do it, OMG. It ran out of my sandal toe AS I WAS PUTTING IN MY FOOT. I bet the neighbors think I was being killed, the screen door was open and I screamed when it ran out of my shoe, screamed when it ran at me, and screamed when I killed it (with my other sandal). On the upside it may well have helped me conquer my eight legged fear. That and the fact that I was helping The Scoot with his computer the other day and called tech support for him and a spider on the ceiling DROPPED ON MY HAND while I was on hold. It’s good I was on hold or the poor tech would be deaf in that ear now. OMG OMG OMG OMG. So yeah, the spider thing is getting to be less of a deal.

* I really REALLY like Fountains of Wayne’s new album, Traffic and Weather. I suggest you check it out.

* I just watched that last season of the Sopranos again. Really? After all this time, that was it? I’m still unsatisfied.

* OMG HEROES! It’s coming soon and I can NOT wait! Maybe I’ll have some peeps over and we can watch it here on the TiVo. Then we can pause for stuff and not miss anything!

* Hey, NBC, shut up and take it from Apple, would you? Otherwise you can kiss fans goodbye; if it weren’t for iTMS selling The Office it wouldn’t still be on the air, and it’s a really good show that didn’t get a chance until iTunes. Seriously. This is why I will start downloading episodes illegally instead of buying them on DVD. Don’t be a dumbass, NBC. It’s your call, err on the side of paying happy customers for ONCE. (Start with the fact that people are paying for the shows, when was the last time someone paid for a network program?)

I am actually sleepy now! I think I’ll go to bed and dream of a caffeinated morning.

I know why you’re going out of business slowly. Netflix isn’t helping any, or Blockbuster, but my money’s on Gamefly.

I went to Hollywood today to rent a couple of games for my Wii so I could see if I wanted to buy them or not. After updating the credit card on file (it has been years since I rented from them) I am informed I can only have one game. I wasn’t happy about this and I told her so (calmly), after having seen all the “RENT TWO GAMES FOR $10!” signs all over. Well Wii, 360, and PS3 games are one at a time apparently. And I’m not the only person who isn’t happy about it, people who get rent one/get one free coupons can’t use them either, she tells me. WOW! But if I had another account then THAT person could rent stuff, I guess. What a load of crap! I could see if I wasn’t offering up my credit card IN CASE I DON’T RETURN THEM, but why should it be any different if I rent a gamecube game? Seriously, if I’m gonna take em I’m gonna take em. Of course I only think of this now after the fact, but I wonder if they have the same policy for blu-ray rentals.

Then I got the game home and it was freaking out my Wii, so I called them and took it back. A different person waited on me who said they didn’t have any more of that game and then JUST STOOD THERE. I was going to see about renting something else but if you can’t even staff your store with people who offer an option like oh, I don’t know, maybe ANOTHER RENTAL then you deserve to go out of business. When she couldn’t figure it out I knew exactly what I wanted. I asked for a refund and then she said their policy was to usually (if it’s policy then it’s not usually, it’s just policy) offer an exchange or a free rental credit. I said “Ok, but I just want my money back.” So she refunded me and I went home.

SERIOUSLY, what an unsatisfactory experience all around. And I’m willing to bet the one by my house isn’t the only one that does stupid crap like this. If only Gamefly wasn’t so spendy. It’s really tempting. That and this online plus store Blockbuster stuff. All I wanted was to spend money there. Please, let me give you far too much money (seven dollars for five days) for far to little time. And they (as good as) said no. Blockbuster is further from me than I would like for rental purposes, but they are about to get my business back (the one just up yonder closed about a year ago) just by virtue of the fact that they are happy to take my money. Why is it so hard for you, Hollywood? I so want to root for the local guy, but if this is the best you can do then give it up already.

It’s another update! I know. Breathe deep in to a paper bag or something, you’ll be fine.

Anyway!

I found this recently (it made the rounds at Initech, to be precise) and felt compelled to pass it on, mostly for The Ambassador’s benefit.

Christian Domestic Discipline. I assure you I couldn’t make it up. Here’s a tidbit from the site:

A Christian Domestic Discipline marriage is one that is set up according to Biblical standards; that is, the husband is the authority in the household. The wife is submissive to her husband as is fit in the Lord and her husband loves her as himself. He has the ultimate authority in his household, but it is tempered with the knowledge that he must answer to God for his actions and decisions. He has the authority to spank his wife for punishment, but in real CDD marriages this is taken very seriously and usually happens only rarely. CDD is so much more than just spanking. It is the husband loving the wife enough to guide and teach her, and the wife loving the husband enough to follow his leadership. A Christian marriage embodies true romance and a Christian man a true hero.

I assure you, I could NOT make this stuff up. I think Divine Interventions should work something out and make some special paddles for them or something. Maybe Spartacus could offer a discount? OH the possibilities!!

when an insult was an insult!

I found a page of insults that was really impressive. I thought I should share. I like how if you were to use ANY of these now someone would think they were being complimented, at least at first. Hell, anymore I wonder if most people would even realize it was an insult if you used enough big words…