The Bananaverse

This is kind of funny, and then kind of sad. And by the end you are rooting for the guy a lot!

Holy…..wow.

LetoWATCH!

and I think they’re right.

Behold!!

The Triumphant Return Of Linda Dano, courtesy of Coldplay.

Somehow I thought that The Ambassador would especially appreciate this.

Check it. That description is right, too. It’s childhood and college all in one convenient package. Yay!

…I reached it Saturday. Here’s the sitch:

- Cramps
- Headache
- Body Ache
- Bazooka Barfing
- Home Alone

Yeah. It was NOT fun. I think today I might have finally stopped throwing up-I did a cup of miso soup and half a glass of tea and so far I’m ok. I think I had some unfortunate shrimp so all weekend I was either asleep or barfing or somewhere between the two. Sucky sucky sucky.

I’ll try to update this more often. I have another post right now with a link in it. Enjoy.

I sent J.Ro a note:

Dig it. From the Special That Dare Not Speak Its Name…

So he wrote me back-
OMG, seriously… I’m not sure why just yet, but I think I prefer this one…

So getcher YouTube on. What have YOU got to show me? (:

…The Toe.

I’m not sure which is weirder-that NOT MADONNA, but just The Toe, is on MySpace, or that Paul Oakenfold is on the friend list.

I don’t know what to say to this. If you know, please tell me.

My friend Droo (he’s of the Digital variety, you know) made a video. He put it on YouTube and I think it’s awesome so I think you should watch it too.

So watch it already. And if you can rate it, be sure to do so.

…you’ll come to Acme tonight and say hello.

I’ll be there from 5pm on, till I don’t know when. It’s a Metblog thing. We have free food, so you know you want to. Come by and say hi. We’d love to have you if you read the Metroblog (even if it’s just my postasiz you read, that’s ok too)

(:

So here you go, in no particular order:

The Amazing Screw-On Head! Watch the pilot. It RULES. Why? David Hyde Pierce is Emperor Zombie. What more do you need to know?

I can’t do better than the commentary when this got sent to me: …and Cheney laughed heartily.

I think this might be a good movie. But I’ll like it better when it’s a documentary.

And speaking of documentaries, I think this will RULE, said the girl who wrote research paper after research paper on John Lennon and read a LOT about precisely this sort of thing.

People DID laugh at the shoe thing, he has a point.

You know how you see all these “grass roots” groups that are trying to ’save the internets’ and such? Not all of them are legit. Part One of lists of these faked up groups is linked there, and Part Two is there now as well.

A medley of the catchiest most popular goofy crap on the internets. This is why the tubes are full, people!

Have you pooped your pants lately? Read this and tell me if your answer is still no. Of course this has made the rounds in Blogistan for awhile but suddenly it’s ok to talk about now that the WSJ has an article on it. Anyway.

Where do I get my card?

Best. Shirt. Ever.

What, you don’t see it?

All South Park. ALL the time.

Bill O’Reilly is an artist. Who fuckin knew?

And now Firefox might not have to cry anymore since I closed a buncha tabs. I’m sure Firefox thanks you immensely.

Now I have to go incessantly hum that stupid song of the internets. Maybe it should be the Theme Song Of The Internets.

I know I told you to get more of me at the Metroblog, but if you are someone like The Ambassador and you don’t give a crap about what any of those other people have to say, you can now subscribe to just posts by moi. So go subscribe that shit, yo! (:

So, two things:

1. I posted a story earlier, a short one. If you aren’t on my friends list and you email me I might just let you read it. I was a bit nervous about putting things in the tube willy-nilly so if you want it, ask.

2. If you aren’t getting your Verso fix like you think you should, you can read more of me on the Metroblog which you can add to your friends page at the above link.

It’s not that I don’t love you. I’ve just been stupidly busy.

If you are a girl who reads my livejournal then please do yourself a favor and read this.

If you are a boy who reads my livejournal and you know any girls then please do yourself (and them) a favor and read this.

If you are a boy who reads my livejournal who has ever met a girl then please do yourself (and them) a favor and read this.

If you are a person who reads my livejournal then please do yourself a favor and read this.

I know it’s a long article, honey. It’s in a nice big typeface so you can scroll through it reasonably quickly. I’m not kidding. Please take the time to read it. I am revolted, and I am not a person for whom revulsion is a common thing. I am physically sickened after reading this-I hope you aren’t, but as a girl I can’t figure out how anyone could think this was a good idea. I wish someone else would do the same thing to him again and this time release the tape. THAT one I would buy.

I wrote this story, and I would really like it if you gave me some feedback. I don’t want to show it to the world just yet, so you’re getting like a sneak peek. It’s not really long, but it isn’t super short either. Please read it when you have a moment and leave me some comments.

A bit of background: I started out with this idea of someone being somewhere when something happened. I filled in the who, and the what, and I had a why all picked out in my brain, but as I got going the whole story took a left turn. I went with it, because I was really on a roll, and I was sort of curious to see where I ended up. I don’t know what I think-I like it, but I also wish it were the story I set out to write. Mostly though, I finished it, and I want to know what you think.

Anyway.

You were just sitting there drinking coffee when it happened.

Sitting there in the coffeeshop, in front of your computer, probably reading some sort of innocuous email or playing some online game.

It happened so quickly I barely even realized what was going on, and by then it was almost too late. I was so surprised that it actually happened I almost couldn’t believe it. Even playing it back in mind I can’t quite be sure of what I saw. I have to admit, I’m a bit sad about the laptop, it was less than a month old, so new you hadn’t even changed the wallpaper on it yet. I doubt you’d even downloaded any porn.

There I was, just happening to be walking by, on my way to the train. I can’t imagine how I ended up at that intersection at that moment-I had to have wanted a bagel, discovered a buck and a half in my pocket, wanted it enough to walk up a couple extra blocks, purchase it, and turned to see you there. In that bloody coffeeshop with your pretentious cup of caffeine. You saw me there and I think you tried to catch my eye. Thank Gord I was thinking ahead and bought mirrored sunglasses last summer, it’s a LOT easier to watch people with mirrored shades on. You waved a sort of noncommittal wave that seemed like it could be aimed at me, and yet if I diss you maybe you were waving at someone else.

When the explosion hit, it felt like a giant hand was shoving me to the ground. I clutched my bagel tightly, some weird instinct making me hold tight to my breakfast which I can’t really understand. Why was that bagel so important? What made me think THIS was what to hold on to as my body loses a battle with the physics of explosion? Dammit. I don’t have my jacket zipped up and this is kind of a thin top, I bet the rough sidewalk snags the hell out of my wonderbra. Why is this what is going through my head as I hurtle towards the ground?

What the fuck? OW! Yeah, my face and the sidewalk have a known incompatibility. Plus I bit my tongue and I think I got my tongue ring in the process. Wonderful. Why me? Why today? Ooh, dampness on my face…and nope, playing back the last few minutes I didn’t get a drink with my bagel so it isn’t fruit juice on my cheek. That’s gonna leave a mark.

Why did I come up here today? Was there some force at work larger than my hunger that led me to the Nordstrom cafe on this day at this moment to see you moments before (I’m just guessing here) pieces of you were most unceremoniously flung through downtown?

Luckily for me I was the only person in my immediate area-it’s still kind of early for commuters so nobody fell on top of me. I slowly get up and look around to see what exactly is going on. Daaaaaaaaaamn. There’s a few other people picking themselves up off the ground like me, and have the same expression of dread and awe and curiosity. So many questions. Not an answer in sight. What in the hell? How can this be? What is that giant hole-oh my god, that’s where the coffeeshop was. I used to secretly wish that I could destroy all the pretentiousness you had that made you sit there in the first place, and I think that was one reason we never worked out…finding out you were screwing my friend Heidi AND my friend Jeff behind my back would be another reason.

Well I’m certainly not getting to work today, they sure won’t let the train through after a spectacle like that. I’m going to sit here with my Palm and read a bit. Watch the excitement. Grab a table and sit waiting to see what happens. First come the sirens, with the satellite trucks close behind. They say “if it bleeds, it leads”, and looking across the street I realize there is more than enough lead to go around. I also realize that I’m not sad. I should be. I’m not. Is it the shock of being here that makes me sort of not notice? Then I realize why I’m not sad. It worked! All that waiting and patience and money, let’s not forget the money, for there was an awful lot of it. I can’t believe it paid off, haha. It actually worked. It just happened. And I was right there to see the entire thing. Well at least when the EMTs get here the shock I’m in will be genuine. I was told I wouldn’t expect it and that it would be worth every penny, but I had no idea it would be quite so…explosive.

On the one hand, this isn’t exactly something I can tell people about. “You should see what happened to the last person who broke my heart. I promised to destroy him, and destroy him I did!” You can’t really broadcast that kind of thing. On the other hand, I have the satisfaction of knowing that I was absolutely right. You sat there, smug about cheating on me and amazed that I had taken so long to figure it out since you’d done such a terrible job of covering it up, freely admitting you were stomping on my heart, secure in the knowledge that taking me to a nice restaurant would be the best way to keep me from making a total scene. I must admit, I was pretty proud of myself-I didn’t throw a drink at you, I didn’t yell. I calmly stood up, looked you in the eye, and told you I would destroy you. As I walked out, I think the look in my eye rattled your macho cage a little, you didn’t look quite so pleased with yourself when I left.

It took a very long time, but I kept my promise.

I do apologize for the Mortuary Men calendar. I only posted it because I hadn’t found this one yet.

I do hope you forgive me, and I will try to avoid such missteps in the future.

Lub,
Verso

I just read this on the Metroblog in the comments for a post:

I was in a crosswalk today, when a red saturn came flying up to make a right turn, and cut me off. I yelled (she damn near hit me), at which point she flipped me off. The hand was also holding an open cell phone, which she had aparently been dialing. She then glanced at the traffic and back down to her cell phone as she pulled out in front of another car, which hit her broadside.

Am I wrong to have had a huge grin on my face as I went to give witness information to the other driver?

Thank you, FoodDude. Thank you.

I’m Just Drinking-a list of drinks inspired by webcomics.

How fabulous would it be to walk into a bar, slap down the cash, and say “Bartender! I’d like a Fruit Fucker!” I think it’d be pretty fabulous.

I umm… I just…yeah. It’s a good cause, but…?