The Bananaverse

ba ba baba ba ba ba baba, I wanna be sedated….

I just heard that on the radio. Thoughts:

* Truer words were never spoken.

* It’s cruel to play that before people have to go to work.

* I’m sad there are no more Ramones songs. Not because they were necessarily the masters of pop songs or anything, but their very existence seemed to piss off a lot of people. It was nice.

K. I’m off to…oh hell, who am I kidding? I’m off to see if I can survive the day.

So…

* Didn’t ANYONE on Passions ever learn what happens when you keep bad news from someone sick? How do I end up in such a place that nobody can ever tell me anything bad or I might just DIE!?!?!?! HelLO, the mofo that is dead was the person you did this to last time!

* When will anyone on Days ever learn anything?

* Get Shawn D out of that bloody buggery cage and stop showing me this. !!!!

* Down with Bonnie. She’s just not interesting. Hurry it up or there’s NO way I will care about her. One shot of her helping Sami is NOT enough.

I’m sure I’ll have more to say later. blah.

So I went to the doctor today. Sigh. I felt crummy and as it turns out it is because I have a “real good sinus infection” taking up residence inside my head. Real good? If it was so freaking good then why am I seeing a DOCTOR about it? Duh!!! Anyway. As a lovely side effect of said sinus infection, I have “a touch of bronchitis”.

Are you freaking kidding me? Oh, wait. Grrr! Anyway. Home. Coughing. Antibiotics for the sinus infection. Watching Days and resting quietly. Trying to take care of myself and probably failing.

Anyway. If anyone has any healthy thoughts to send my way, I’d appreciate them. I have to go cough until I see stars now. urgh.

Jebus what a weekend!

Friday I worked my ass off (ok, not literally. Don’t I wish!) so I could get everything done and get to Seattle Friday night where there was a Martha party. I like Martha and all, but I didn’t expedition northward strictly for that. First off, the party was at the new abode of Miz Texas so I got to see a) Miz Texas and b) his new apartment! It was nice to get to see him again, I really miss Miz Texas.

So there was the Martha party. Holy moly! Seattle contains some shameless hussies! I mean that in the best possible way. They are a) hot, and b) completely ok with partial nudity. I don’t know if it’s just because they’re new or if they are in fact hot. Apparently I am not moving in the right circles in PDX! I like looking at cute boys, and that certainly helped.

Then there was the “let’s go out and SEE Seattle!” moment. They make actual drinks there. I’m afraid of what would happen if’n I was in good with a bartender there like I am here. Even in good here I still don’t get THAT strong a drink. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.

We went back to Casa del Miz Texas and crashed. Hard. As it turns out, to the best of my recollection, we talked about how Sean was actually in love with Jessica so we were going to have to switch beds. Additionally, we discovered that J.Ro has some serious issue with wearing any article of clothing to sleep. Being with another ‘mo he has no interest in and two hags, we told him to take off the goddamned princess pants and just be done with it. We’re drunk and want to go to sleep, Christ with an open bar! So we did our best to sleep it off.

Saturday morning was decidedly tragic. We attempted to roll out of bed and failed. So we tried again later. We eventually decided we were appropriately gussied up and caffeinated to face the day, so off we went. To Pike Street Market, as a matter of fact.

We went to The Great Wind Up, which I like even though it isn’t very big. While there we went to a shop where Sean spotted some lovely fag bags and desired one. J.Ro pointed out that this shop also sold hats that say Wrangler on them which I should buy as part of a work uniform. (:

Then it was off to go our separate ways, so J.Ro and I headed to Pride. Damn. SeaPride blows. This year is the first year they’ve had two days worth of Pride? How is that even possible? I always sort of felt like Seattle was the big brother of PDX - been there, done that, everything is bigger and better there and on and on…but as it turns out their Pride is lame. I was really surprised. It was crazy to be there and be like “wow, this blows goats!”

Why on earth would be in such a not neat place? Two words, tiger: Cause and Effect. (OK, that’s three, but I kind of need the and.)

It was cool! I have sort of been emailing one of the guys, and so it was neat to get to meet someone I met online. I liked their set, it was fun to see them play, since I never had before. It didn’t hurt any that pride was blowing, since it meant we got a beautiful view of the stage as they played. And one of them smiled and waved at me. Squee! They played:

Sunrise
What Do You See
Into The Light
You Think You Know Her

and it was fantastic. Even though afterwards I met them and I was apologized to for it being lame! I disagreed and I told them so. I had nothing to compare it to so I couldn’t complain. I said they have to play Portland to make it up to me. They’re working on it. Eeeee!

Then I got my pictures taken (with them ! eeeeee!) and I turned into a blithering spastic fangirl supertard and I think I was an idiot. They were so super nice to me! How cool of them to be patient with my freakitude. It was wonderful of them, I thought.

Then we headed home after the HOV lane confused J.Ro into taking the Ikea exit. After purchasing various hoobajoobs and dealymajiggers, we again migrated southward. It was neat to see Seattle and all, and I like to visit, but it wasn’t until this trip that I got the actual rush of “home home home home home” that accompanied our rolling over the 205 bridge and seeing the skyline I’ve grown accustomed to. I really felt like “ahhh. yeah, this is MY town!” even though i feel like sometimes I don’t belong anywhere.

So we got home Saturday night and just blah’ed our ways to bed. We had a big day on Sunday, it was Peacock in the Park! So we went, and Eric and I loaded up on 151 based jello shots. Of course forsaking water, because who wants to be sensible in the sun right? right! I even have a haiku:

Jamie’s Jello Shots
Laden with 151
Passed out in the sun

So I was of course thrashed. This was wise. Eventually we went back to Jamie’s to recuperate from rum and sunburns and I spent most of it internally cringing because this was the first time I met The Player To Be Named Later and he had to put up with my drunken slightly crispy ass. I’m sure that was delightful.

Then I came home and hurled which finally made me feel better and then I went to work today sounding like hell for reasons that are not entirely clear to me. Then I started coughing. Then I couldn’t stop coughing. Now it feels as though I am inhaling fire. I can’t seem to do anything about it.

So some highlights and some lowlights were had by all, apparently. I got to meet two of my favorite people, see another of my favorite people, and I got to act like a total retard in front of the people I had only recently met.

Now I just need to meet more people (coughscoobydroocough) so that I can karmically make up for my miserable first impressions from this weekend.

So who wants to go to Ocean Shores with me and rock the party at the VFW Hall? That’s the next C&E show and I desperately want to go. I need to roll through the homodex and find some folks willing to go turn that mother OUT, yo. How hard could it be for moi, armed with my homodex, to take over a place like Ocean Shores? I guess we’ll have to see who’s with me. As long as there’s a bar there I KNOW we could do it. (:

So my man J-Dog is awesome. He’s in Fooled By April and they are fantastic and everyone should go buy their CD as soon as it’s back in stock. Anyway!

He has a blog on their site and he mentioned this email I sent him and since I got blogged, I’m blogging him back. (: Here goes!

People,

So my good buddy KFOX from CDBaby (the best music store online by far - fair to artists and customers etc etc) sent this to me yesterday and it made me mad, so I thought I’d comment on it.

The Ant and the Grasshopper

OLD VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, “It’s Not Easy Being Green.”

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in fron t of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, “We shall overcome.”

Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper’s sake.

Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his “fair share.”

Finally, the EEOC drafts the “Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act,” retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican
—————————————————————-

BULL. SHIT.

Joe’s version of the story

There’s an Ant and a Grasshopper. One day while out walking the Grasshopper discovers a huge and bountiful tree with enough leaves to feed all the ants and grasshoppers in the world for a very long time. So he goes back to the ant and reports what he found: “Ant, this is fantastic, let’s go tell everyone and make sure we all get as many leaves as we need for winter.” Needless to say, the Ant is not quite on board, and his little ant brain starts turning almost immediately, trying to think up ways to get all the leaves for himself.

Anyway, after telling everyone about his find, the Grasshopper goes back to the tree and starts collecting leaves for himself. After a while, he realizes that he has more leaves than he could ever use in one winter, so he gives the extra to grasshoppers and ants who can’t get leaves for themselves. Everyone is happy.

Meanwhile, the Ant has hatched a diabolical plan. He’s hired a bunch of ants and grasshoppers to go and collect leaves just for him. He’s agreed to pay them 1/56 of a leaf for each hour they work, barely enough to live on. The grasshopper suggests a 1/2 leaf an hour living leaf wage, but he is quickly shouted down by other ants who want to get their own piece of the leaf action.

But why would some ants and grasshoppers take such a small amount of leaves to do such a big job? Well, these ants and grasshoppers have kind of rough lives and will take the work where they can get it. In fact, many of these insects come from families who used to be owned by the Ant’s ancestors. And even though he doesn’t own them now, he’s done all he can in the past hundred years to make sure they don’t get education, insect police protection, equal rights or the ability to drink from the same puddles or eat in the same rotten oak tree. Also, some of the ants and grasshoppers are from another ant hill down south and will work for next to nothing as long as they aren’t reported to the Ant.N.S. The Ant in charge likes this. He likes this a lot and starts getting A LOT of leaves.

Eventually, the Grasshopper gets pissed and asks the Ant “Why are you doing this? There’s enough for everyone, but you’re making it impossible for so many of our fellow ants and grasshoppers to live.” This, in turn pisses the Ant off and so he and his buddies impose a leaf tax on the very insects that they are exploiting, making themselves even more leaves and making their already poor workers even poorer. When asked about it by the insect news the Ant says “Oh, cry me a river. If they weren’t so lazy and went to insect college then they could have anything they want.” After the cameras are off, he eliminates Antfirmative Action programs from the budget.

Finally, the Ant has pushed too far. Everyone is pissed and wants the Ant to cut the shit. Many ants and grasshoppers have no leaves and winter is almost on them. They are afraid. The Head Ant is confused for a few days and doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to give up his Ant-U-V or his huge anthill or, most importantly, his huge pile of leaves. Suddenly he has a GREAT idea.

“Fellow insects, I have grave news.” (pointing) “That anthill over there poses an imminent danger to us. We could be eliminated by them at any time. They train terror ants, have weapons of ant destruction and must be stopped. We will invade.” The Head Ant knows this isn’t true and in a moment of self-awareness asks the Vice Ant what he thinks. “Well, I used to work a lot with that anthill, and even though they really aren’t a threat to us, they have a lot of leaves over there, so I say go for it.” It is decided.

During the invasion the Head Ant has another great idea. He frames it so that anyone who argues against any of his policies or his self-serving war is automatically a traitor to the insect colony. This is great because it sets up a society where no one can criticize anything for fear of being branded a terrible insect who doesn’t appreciate that young insects are giving their lives for him in a war he didn’t want. Very clever.

Eventually the insect colony becomes a really frustrating and scary place to live. There are Pro-Head Ant zealots everywhere and the insects are living in constant fear of being attacked by Ant-Qaida. Of course, this is how the Head-Ant wants it because he wants to be the Head-Ant as long as he can. Plus, with all the insects living in fear, they don’t have the time or energy to be too pissed off about how they lost their insect jobs and are poorer than they’ve ever been.

Finally the Grasshopper, who fought in another senseless ant-war, has had enough. He steps up and says he wants to change the system. He calls the Head-Ant and his team a bunch of crooks, which is true. The Head-Ant, who dodged the aforementioned war calls the grasshopper (who was shot three times) a big pussy, which is not true. Dag. The Grasshopper promises to make things better. The Head Ant also promises to make things better, but in fact will keep them just as they are. The Head Ant is a pretty big anthole.

The end of this story hasn’t been written, but the moral is simple: VOTE DEMOCRAT!

Me and J.Ro just watched It’s My Party and I don’t know what to do with myself.

It’s about a man who tests positive for HIV (nearly a decade ago) and his last hurrah. It was sad. I was so sad watching it! It was good but it was tragic, and I got all sniffly about it and I was sad about how it all went down.

I keep thinking about family and what it means to me and all that kind of stuff…it’s sad to me that there are people who would deny love in the world in favor of hatred and even violence. I sound like such a sap, but as someone who personifies the non-traditional family on several fronts (hagdom notwithstanding), I just don’t get how anyone could be against love. I’m going all Moulin Rouge here even though I don’t mean to. But honestly, how loveless is your life if you are so convinced you need to take it away from others as well?

I have a lot to say about a lot of things but I don’t have the time tonight. Perhaps tomorrow night when of course, I’ll have copious amounts of free time.

See Opus? I’m starting to look like that. it’s terrifying.

It’s one again and I’m still not asleep. This should be fun.

I like the lovely new legend of zelda game. but then I kind of don’t, because if it’s this easy I just dropped fifty bucks for a not very good reason. gr.

I want to sleep and I can’t. It’s like I can hear myself sweat or something. blah.

I’m still trying to stay all about the lurvey list, but it’s hard.

It’s pushing one am and I just realized I didn’t eat dinner. That explains HUNGAR!!

Sleep. I want you. Where are you?

So The List is Matt Good, BT, Jon Stewart, and probably a player to be named later. I think I forgot someone. This would be the list of those who could magically appear and go “Hey, let’s go” and I’d go “The Scoot who?”

I guess I will try another nap and see what happens. At this point it isn’t really sleeping. I hope I survive tomorrow. Not because I expect it to be bad or anything, I just don’t know if there is any amount of caffeination that will help me make it.

Too hot! blah! Maybe I should rev up my car (which is gasp! still nameless!) and try The Joy That Is Climate Control. This sucks. SInce we can’t open any windows I really need to get on the WTF Do I Do To Cool Mah Hizzle Project.

Later.

What I currently LURVE:

CDs:
- Digital Droo (ahhh, plinky lovely trance-ity electronica. mmmm.)
- Fooled By April (Rediscovered when the sun came out. Perfect road music)
- Eve 6, the first CD (see FxA)
- New Matthew Good. It isn’t out yet but I know I will lurve it. (homer simpson noises)
- Cause & Effect, all of them. More glorious techno songs. Tasty.
- BT, Emotional Technology.
- Outkast, various songs from Speakerboxx/Love Below. I shouldn’t have to explain this.
- Me First And The Gimme Gimmes. They rule. They’re loud. Yay!
- King Of Spain, Normalized. This is people I know. They effing rock. \m/ yeah!!!!!!

Not CDs:
- BT. Both tasty AND delicious. rrrrrrrowr.
- TiVo. yay!
- Aqua Teen Hunger Force
- Internet Radio
- Scooby Droo
- email from people I really really like
- random phone calls from those same people
- Making up songs at work
- My Green Lantern pint glass
- Singing along
- Friday
- sunshine
- Julius Westerberg, my new PowerBook

After the truly horrendous morning I had (before 8am even, that just made it worse) where I didn’t think I could wear clothes OR contacts, I need to focus on things I like. So there they are.

Ernestine’s a nut-
She’s got a rubber butt-
Every time she turns around we go
STFU ERNESTINE! Use your goddamn brain for once!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

we’re way too easily amused at work.