The Bananaverse

Matthew Good (who, if you are new to my lj, is on the short I’m Sure In An Alternate Universe We Are A Scorching Couple list, and you should drop everything and run out right now and buy everything he ever recorded. yeah. what are you waiting for? you go now! Where was I?) is putting out a new album and the first song is called “Alert Status Red” and I love it. I’ve been listening to it a whole bunch of times in a row and no matter how many times I hear it I like it more every time. He is wonderful and it’s so refreshing to hear someone write their own songs and play on them and kick ass at both and doesn’t sound to shabby singing them either.

Plus I’ve seen pictures of him in concert wearing a shirt that says “I hear Matt Good’s a real asshole” so at least he’s self aware. I lurve him. Not that he cares, I’m sure…”yeah, I was going to give up music forever but it turns out I have some fluffy adulation from a girlygeek in Oregon. That changes everything! I am compelled to write, for now I have a muse!”

Mmmm. I would like nothing more than to be someone’s muse. I would really like to inspire someone to something. I mean in a creative capacity, not like, inspire someone to roll their eyes or laugh at me.

mmmm. I’m off to daydream about being Matt Good’s muse in true seventh grade girl fashion. squeeee!

wtf can’t I sleep?

wtf does everything on earth need to be done this week?

I finally got a new computer. Well. Replacement computer. Maybe I’ll name it Mister Westerberg…

I adore the new Morrissey album.

New George Michael? I adore it more.

seriously, this non sleep thing is pissing me off.

I need to make new CDs like NOW.

I didn’t do anywhere near a good enough job of cleaning. This will be remedied. soon.

I need to pull some weeds.

I need to poop or get off the pot on a number of fronts.

Have I mentioned how awesome the new Morrissey is?

I think it’s nice that George Michael wrote a song about his honey. awww.

I have library books to read! wtf is wrong with me?

why is it weird and lumpy on the top of my right arm?

what smells like mustard?

why didn’t I ever get around to eating dinner tonight?

when will I learn that bed at 12:30 does not mean consciousness tomorrow?

New George Michael. Mmmm.

Chris Lowe: go to your barber. Tell him you are sick of looking like an asshole.

I really need another pair of pants. Seriously.

I’m glad I got the superdrive.

I miss Bambi som’m fierce. Where’s Jet Blue when I need them, dammit?

I want BT to sing me a lullaby. That would help me sleep.

How awesome is the new Harry Potter trailer?

How even more awesome is the new Incredibles trailer?

How come this listy nonsense makes me feel all ADD?

When will I learn? I don’ tknow what, but when will I learn it?

Someday I need to figure out what I want to Be.

Screw you insomnia!! grr hiss snarl.

Why can’t I find a badtz-maru contact case?

Where is the perfect car whatnot?

Caffeine. Seriously. I need it tomorrow I can tell.

Yeah, so now I do a whole new job and never complained; just did it. I rule at it. When will you realize I need more money? When I leave?

It’s really nice to hear someone recognize something in me that I don’t have much faith in.

I need to try this ’sleep’ nonsense once more.

Consider this too. Emphasis mine:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
(1 Corinthians 13:1-8)

That’s the muhfuckin Bible an shit, yo.

I’m just…We’ll have to see. I feel deeply inadequate right now on a number of fronts. I need a hug and some cookies. Maybe a hug and a screwdriver. Yeah.

TOO funny. I was looking at some pictures from some rallies and things, and I laughed so hard I thought I’d pass out.

When will people learn?

Thought for today:

The human heart cannot be denied. Will never be silenced. Will beat louder and louder until it deafens the ears of those who refuse to listen to the truth.
(Margaret Cho)

Creepy. Dead on.

Denver Post on STILL MORE torture.

Aren’t they busy with torture and freedom fries?

And now for fun ones:

Troy in fifteen minutes!

He’s back! He’s back!

Wasabi Peanuts And You! Or something.

No link, just this: Nine Fingered One Eared Dennis. It is weird and there you go.

I’m off to bed. good night.

I think this article is beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes and I feel like you should read it too. Whoever you are. Just take a moment. Thanks.

Since it’s been awhile between political posts, I found an article that does in fact raise some interesting points about Nick Berg. Check it, yo.

So if you know me you know I have been known to go on and on about Fooled By April, a band that I adore. So I email their bass player Jdog (a nickname, I assure you) occasionally and since they are in Boston I asked them about this whole same-sex marriage thing, because I was curious about the spectacle of it, since it was such a big goddamn deal here. Here’s what he said:
—–
As for the marriage issue….Well, I of course view homosexuality as a sin and abomination in the eyes of our creator and I am doing everything in my power to keep these horrible people from having the least shred of dignity. Oh wait, that would be retarded. Good god damn there are some stupid fuckers in the world. There was this lady on the news protesting outside city hall with a sign that said “god hates fags.” How do these people not see the inherent contradiction in what they believe and what they’re supposed to believe. It’s amazing.

Anyway, I’m proud to live in the first state where this issue that should be a non-issue has become legal, and I’m happy that most Massholes have been either not interested or supportive. I’m not happy that so many lawmakers are spending all their time trying to prevent people from their basic rights as citizens when they could be spending time….oh, I don’t know…..trying to get less 20-year old Americans and Iraqis killed? Oh, it makes me soooo mad.

To sum up, it was exciting. My girlfriend and I watched the news and cried last night. It was pretty amazing to see people who’ve been together for so long being cheered by this great big mob at cambridge city hall. They were all just so happy. Why would anyone want to ruin that? Especially as its not like with every gay marriage license approved a straight couple gets their left hands cut off or anything.
—–

To sum up: Massholes. Hahahahahahahahaaha!!! And I am glad I’m not the only person who thinks what I think, since he thinks it too. Jdog made me laugh so hard I almost did a spit take all over my keyboard. He got applause here in the office. I lurve him. He gave me the strength to wrangle every re-re in my inbox. Thanks Jdog!!!

I am apparently not suited (ha ha) for clothing. At least nothing beyond a free shirt and Old Navy jeans, anyway.

All through the mall and some other places too and NOTHING that didn’t look hideous or at least not good. nothing. not a stitch of reasonable clothing to be had.

And the one thing I had in reserve that I thought would work doesn’t fit me anymore either.

In other news, I could give a fuck what webster says, commentary is spoken and that’s that.

I now stand at the crossroads of anorexia avenue and bulimia boulevard, with only a horrendous body image as my map. This isn’t fair and I don’t know what I can do about it.

Hissing snarling impotent rage. I have to go do something else now.

Take the quiz: “Which Random Irish Gaelic Phrase Are You? “

Pog mo thoin
Pog mo thoin - ‘Kiss my ass.’You’re one tough bastard, and if anyone doesn’t like it, they can kiss your ass. You enjoy fighting and causing grievous bodily harm. Hey! What are you lookin’ at, punk?

what was I thinking?

I invited J.Ro over to play some dominoes. He showed up, armed with Sordid Lives (so’s we could watch the commentary track!) And dennnnnnnnn….

* Somehow we discovered Ultrasonic Ass-born Laundry Monkeys. I believe Tide was involved.
* We determined that someday we too, shall make a film. This film will have a sequence at the end with all the cast lip-syncing along. Perhaps it will be a Gimme Gimmes song.
* Donuts are gooooooood. Snarling donut vaginas are baaaaaaaaad.
* “Here we go nah” is funny every single time.
* Dominoes is a LOT more fun if you aren’t just two people.

Oh, and J.Ro, this is the bit I found in my notebook:

If I combed out, we’d be the FIFTH dimension!

Bed.

omg! Get comfy and then go look at this Photoshop Contest because it is a beautiful thing. I’m still giggling.

I love worth1000.com for things like this. hee hee hee!

J.Ro, I found it and I think it was before I met you so now I will rerun that entry hyah for you:

Subject:  BEHOLD!
Date:  8/30/01 1:50:00 PM PM
Music:  Digital Droo - Dance Monkeyboy Dance (Remix)

This must be immortalized so here you go:

Last night I had to do some shopping (had to. for a wedding.) and while at the clothing store I came across this tank top with a monkey in a tutu embroidered on the front. At that moment I realized that this is what was missing in my life. I could be a complete person if I just had the tutu monkey for my very own. I purchased it and wore it all last night and virtually every sentence I uttered came back to Tutu Monkey. I’m wondering if I could get my brother (who is artistically inclined) to maybe draw me a comic like, The Unbearably Exciting Adventures Of Tutu Monkey! or something else ending in an exclamation point. So there it is. Tutu Monkey. The End.

Yeah. Haven’t written much lately. It’s kinda been difficult between being deeply ill, going to work anyway since I can’t afford not to, working overtime since I can’t afford not to, coughing until I see stars, doing regular chores whilst sick since others can’t be bothered, doing chores that aren’t even my chores whilst sick since others can’t be bothered, coughing a LOT, wrangling ree-rees on the phone at work in between emails composed by even bigger ree-rees, discovering that the weather is indeed changing and I know because my ankles are at it again so I’m finally going to have to break down and see a dermatologist and finally get a definitive opinion on this and did I mention all the coughing? while watching rednecks point and laugh at people for photos ordered by someone who refuses to take the blame and seeing a person beheaded in response.

Oh yeah, and every day this week I woke up at 5am for reasons yet to be determined. It’ll happen tomorrow too and I don’t know why.

This week should never have happened. I’m so sad for so many reasons and no Frasier is not one of them and I just wish I could do anything about anything.

I can’t stop waking up at 5 and I can’t find J.Ro a good person to spend time with let alone one civilized enough NOT to piss on the rug (it really did tie the room together!) and I can’t seem to get ahead at work and even if I did it’s not like it matters since I’ll never get paid more and no recipient of my help will acknowledge that I helped them at all, let alone be grateful and I never get anything done at home either and on top of it all I don’t seem to be getting any better because it’s been a week now and at least before I wasn’t coughing like this and my ears didn’t hurt and watching the news didn’t break my heart. Who am I kidding? yeah it did. But this week was worse. You know why? I don’t agree with it but I almost understand it. And when you can live here and think “wow, you know, those terrORists have a point” (as opposed to the terr’ists shrub is always talking about) then something is seriously fucked up.

Two highlights this week: I got to tell a band that I love that I love them, and tonight we went to Tarzhay and I pointed out to J.Ro (since I coudln’t be coherent in all the coughing) “Look. Ducky Tubstickies!” and he thought that would be a good name for a spy if that spy’s secret identity was Hyacinth Bucket. Then he thought I found a ree-ree action figure.Yeah.

Why does it suck so much to be me this week? Will it be better next week? Can someone give me a hug? And maybe come over and play dominos with me? Yeah, I thought I was kinda pushing it with the domino thing.

So now me and Tutu Monkey are going to bed. I will be up at five so I need to get some rest.

Darth Verso here (my nose doesn’t work so I sound like the Dark Lord) wondering the following:

Is it the cold meds I just took (viva la benadryl! viva la alka-seltzer cold) or is Rumsfeld absolutely full of crap? Even full of drugs I can tell he’s taking down everyone he can and shuffling off on others and doing what ever he can to arrange the deck chairs of his testimony on that Titanic of a foreign policy.

So yesterday when the “president” was “apologizing” we were hearing it at work and talking about how he can’t pronounce anything and “don’t choke on that big ol word, shrubby!” and stuff, and then someone said it sounds like he’s talking with his mouth full. I said “Yeah, it’s full. Of Cheney’s dick. Ohhh!”

yeah, I’m really not a fan of this administration. I know *republicans* who aren’t fans either. Jebus. Is this really what it has come down to? Can I shoot Kerry’s next campaign ad? Picture it…

“I’m John Kerry, and I approve this message.”

Fade in on John Kerry, casually perfectly arranged in a perfectly casual setting.

“Vote for me this November. I couldn’t be worse!”

Fade to black.

See? Why aren’t I in politics? Maybe that’s the calling I missed…

K. Benadryl says it’s time to nap. zzzzzzz

So if you have some time to kill, go here and approve or dismiss some definitions. Add a few of your own! SO SO SO SO awesome. I lurve the urban dictionary. Peep it, homies. Yo. Or something. (:

I really need everyone I know to know that Cause And Effect released an amazing CD called The Sunrise EP and it is amazing and you NEED a copy and if you can swing it then you need the vinyl too, cuz, DAMN.

I can’t say enough good things about this. It makes me want to go start a dance club just so I can play this all the time. Well, that and throw people out. Well, that and throw people out and serve drinks with naughty names.

You need to know about Dr. Theopolis too, and about the Mel-Tones, and you need to know that NOT ONLY does the new Morrissey record come out on the 18th of May, but the new George Michael too. mmmmmmmmm. Anyway. That’s all for now.

That and that I’m sicker than yesterday. blah! Ty says she’s gonna make me go home, so I better get back to work so I can be done before she throws me down the stairs. Latah!

I am ill. It appears that a sinus infection has befallen me. I hope so anyway, I can deal with that. I don’t need some mysterious disease bullshit, or The Scoot’s mom telling me I have SARS like she did last summer when I got a summer cold.

Blah!

J.Ro came over and we played Phase 10. He won because he always wins. I believe I said it was “because of goddamn phase…THIS ONE!!!” which he enjoyed.

Then we discussed the blanket I’m making him and somehow that turned into knitting pubes and making The Sexy Face ™ and I couldn’t breathe.

Not what I’m on about, though. Why is it that we “abused” those Iraqi people? How come when other countries do the same thing we call it “torture”? Why is it that the First Weasel won’t apologize? I mean honestly! Even *I* am sorry that it happened to them and it’s not like I was there or anything. Can’t he be the least bit decent and perhaps maybe human? Cripes.

If anyone is feeling an overwhelming need to love me, by the way, you can get me a gift subscription to Real Simple Magazine. I love them! Thought I’d share.

I have to go to bed now. I’ve been resting since I got home from work and it’s making me tired.

I had a teeny little zit on my eyelid. Not a sty at my eyelash, but a zit ON MY EYELID. That was a singularly odd experience.

Wacky Japanese candy is great, but it’s better when it doesn’t have the following illustration:

A tree stump with a pink bunny on one side with a question mark over it’s butt, and on the other side what can only be described as a Japanese hobbit smoking a pipe. Did I mention the pink bunny had a little x for each eye? Yeah.

Stay tuned for J.Ro’s post on the Dancing Booger Penis Head People. It’s sure to be a thriller!

Yeah, I thought I was done.

Wil is offering a thousand bucks to anyone who can help him find the fuckers that filled his comments page full of kiddie porn.

Good. I hope they are found.

Maybe at work we should offer a grand to anyone who helps us nail down the frauders. Then we could put them on our game show, Happy Extreme Frauder Beatdown Funtime. (It’s Japanese of course!)

grr hiss snarl.

K. Night!

Surrender Mingothy. heh heh heh.