The Bananaverse

I’m watching a movie on TV. And you can just shut up about it right now. It’s good and Chef is in it too, so be quiet. I mean it!

Why is it that the “great” chefs of the world are virtually all male, and yet cooking is still considered “woman’s work”? I don’t understand it. That’s all.

no longer queasy. I believe unfortunate trips to the bathroom are over. I want real food. I’m feelin pretty good. I’m going to avoid the clackamas town center food court from now on. Thank you. that is all.

I’m feeing significantly less vomitous now. Trips to the bathroom in general are actually decreasing. I require dinner. I’m taking that as a good sign. yeah.

I sent Bambi a get well e-card yesterday. At least, I think I did. She has the flu, and today I feel like crap, so maybe I sent her a ‘give me your flu instead’ card. I’m not really sure now.

I started barfing this morning after intense tummyaching, and since then I’ve been in the bathroom often for both ends. The ‘woof’ing seems to have stopped, but there must have been energizers in dinner last night, because even though I seem to have stopped barfing, the other end just keeps going and going and going…

And earlier I noticed that there were undigested food bits in the toilet when I was done. Some of them were small, round, green vegetables. Much like excessive barfing, sometimes weird thoughts cross your mind when you are spending that much unfortunate time in the bathroom, so that’s when it hit me:

I pooped a pea?

That made me laugh, and the laughing made me throw up some more, so I don’t know that it will be really funny until later when I feel better. JeffRo laughed pretty hard though, and he asked if it was in my lj yet, so now it is. There you go.

I was also convinced that he called me this morning and we had the following conversation:

J: Because I had to get up so early yesterday I ended up getting out of bed early today too, and I got a whole load of laundry done before I had to go to work! I feel so accomplished and I’m not even there yet!

V: You’re on your way to work?

J: Yup! Listening to my new Kylie single and I just got on the freeway.

V: Jeffro! You don’t have to go to work today! Remember?

J: Fucking hhhEH! I have to go now. bah!

So I asked him about it and he knows he didn’t call me, but he also knows I have a very vivid imagination. I think it’s necessary or I wouldn’t be able to function in the real world. You know? Yeah. Anyway. I’m off to watch some unfortunate television. yay? maybe I’ll get to sleep through it. that would be nice…

Liplash has finally pulled his head out and decided to start updating his lj again. I’m so excited! I love when he really gets going about something because it’s quite the spectacle. Kind of like me. (:

I don’t really have a lot to write about. I bought a nice new phase 10 deck today so now I have my own, and I bought some lightbulbs at target. On Tuesday I took back my Muppet Show dvd and got the one I didn’t have. I love the Muppets so very much! I love them love them love them. It was really cool to see the show now and realize exactly why it was so popular then: It really was a variety show but with muppets. I loved the Wayne Brady variety show that was on last summer too, and I’ve caught reruns here and there of Flip Wilson and that was cool too. I think the variety show is something that really needs to make a comeback. Enough with all this ‘reality’ bs. Some singing and some dancing and a bit of comedy is just exactly the sort of thing I like. I can’t believe that with the virtually nonexistent attention span of most people these days that this hasn’t been discussed.

JeffRo, Miz Texas, and I went to see Chicago on Monday. It was delightful. Partway through the movie I got this horrible horrible sinking feeling. Then it dawned on me why…I don’t want more of these movies, and I want people to STOP seeing Chicago right now. Chicago is entertaining, well done, and a damned fine entertaining movie. I’m terrified that Hollywood is going to realize that between this and Moulin Rouge that there’s gobs and gobs of cash to be made on musicals and proceed to pillage the Sondheim and Gilbert and Sullivan estates and end up foisting drivel upon us, and then nobody will want to touch a musical because the last one failed. Why don’t they seek out musicals that work well for people today? Why isn’t Rent a movie yet? Second, I’m afraid that when the aforementioned estates realize what’s going on and tell Hollywood to go to hell, they are going to knock on Andrew Lloyd Weber’s door and he’ll be happy to oblige.

Once again, Hollywood, just like the music industry, needs to think more about “is this a good piece of work on it’s own merits?” and less about “let’s make a buncha these kind of movies because the last two made a hundred mil apiece!” It’s the same thing I worry about if DareDevil and the Hulk end up being any good. People loved X-Men and Spiderman, and if two more (and the X-Men sequel) do well we’re going to be deluged with a buncha crap and I’ll be pissed because not everyone can do justice to a good comic book, no matter how good the last ‘comic movie’ did. grr.

K, I’mma take my cranky pants off now and go to bed. later.

Why is watching this speech making my skin crawl? Why are they applauding that he more or less admitted he had people killed? Why is it so much better to have mentors for kids than to have condoms and music and art? And why does this speech remind me of that scene in the movie version of Chicago where Richard Gere has Renee Zellweger in his lap and is playing ventriloquist with her? Is it because it looks like Dubya is sitting on Cheney’s knee? And jebus, do these people have to applaud at the end of EVERY sentence? blah.

/me turns the tv off

I don’t know what it is, but I really used to think that the Super Bowl was a big big deal. It isn’t anymore, really. Not to me. But somehow, I am still compelled to make snacks, so I made some dip and munched on chips and dip while I watched some commercials. The Hulk! Daredevil! TWO Matrix movies!

Tis a good year indeed to be a geek.

Once upon a time, a girl named Mingothy who had a pet named Jake. She lived in Ho Chi Minh City with her Aunt Liz and Uncle Jeffeee. One day she was caught in a horrible storm that picked up BuongSen and spun it around and around. She fell and hit her head, and she was knocked out. When she woke up, she discovered her house had landed on the Music Appreciation Snatch Of The East! She felt bad at first, because she thought she had destroyed a perfectly good snatch. But when she started talking to the people who lived in this new place she found out that this was not the case at all! She was considered a hero for doing what she did! BianP, the Good Snatch Of The North, appeared to Mingothy and explained the situation. Mingothy was surprised to learn that there were not only wicked snatches, but good ones too! Mingothy was glad to have done good for the Mariokins, but she didn’t want to be a hero, she just wanted to be back in her own land again. She spoke to the Mariokins some more and they told her that if she wanted something special, she needed to talk to the Wizard of OSF, and that she needed to follow the watersports road to get there.

Mingothy set off on her journey with her little friend Jake. She was presented with extra GameBoy Advance (and Jake) batteries by the LuigiPop Kids for her journey. She tucked a couple of extra McRibs in her little basket and started on her way, singing “ticky ticky bong bong bong”, one of her favorite songs.

She hadn’t made it far when she ran into a JeffCro. He wanted to see the Wizard too, he hoped that the wizard could help him fill an empty area. Soon after that, Mingothy ran into the Blonde WoodsJon, who was hoping that the wizard could give him balance in his life. Then in the scary forest, where they thought they’d meet drag queens and barbacks and bears (oh my!), they came across the Cowardly Demon who didn’t want anything from the wizard, he just wanted to sit and play with his Nintendo, so they decided not to take him on their trip.

Little did they know that they were being watched on their trip by Verso, the Wicked Snatch Of The West! She looked through her crystal ball and saw the group happily skipping along singing some stupid 80’s song. She especially hated Mingothy for being so cheerful and wearing her sister’s Manolo Blahniks since they didn’t go with her outfit at ALL. “I can’t believe that cheap Vietnamese whore thinks she’s a size six!” Verso exclaimed. She whipped up a little treat for them along the road to see the wizard. A field full of gay.com chat rooms! They had a hard time keeping awake amongst all the capital letters and begging for hookups and bad spellings. Somehow they made it through the field and continued on their way. This angered the wicked Verso and she decided to follow them to Snatcharita City.

Mingothy, Jake, the Blonde WoodsJon, and the JeffCro finally made it to Snatcharita City. They were going to see the wizard! He would grant their wishes! They knocked at the gate and when Mingothy showed the gateman her ruby red Manolo Blahniks, he let them in and gave them all the royal treatment! Mingothy got new bright red lipstick, shiny blue eyeshadow, and 15 minutes with a soldierboy, Jake got a nice run through the dishwasher, the JeffCro got new straw and a lovely new knobby hooha, and the Blonde Woodsjon got a nice shining (and his roots touched up!). Soon it was time to go see the Wizard.

As they headed in the Wizard’s direction, they saw a message in smoke across the sky: SURRENDER MINGOTHY! It was written by the Wicked Snatch Of The West! They rush to the Wizard and Mingothy says she needs to see him right away. They are let in, and a huge apparition appears to them. “I am the Wizard Of OSF, who are you?” As they start to introduce themselves, he proclaims that he knows not only who they are, but what they want from him! He says that he will grant their wishes if they bring him the Wicked Snatch Of The West’s vibrator! They can’t do that, they have to kill her to get it! And she might kill them first! But off they go, it’s very important to Mingothy that she make it home again.

As they head off to retrieve the vibrator, Verso sees them in the woods and she sends her army of flying math assignments after the group. Mingothy and Jake are kidnapped and taken to the Wicked Snatch’s castle as the math assignments (by hand! the horror!) attack the rest of the group. Now that Mingothy is locked in a tower at the Wicked Snatch Of The West’s castle, Verso bargains with Mingothy over the red Manolo Blahniks. She threatens to destroy Jake if she can’t have them! Mingothy says she’ll give up the shoes, but when Verso tries to take them she gets electrocuted! This angers Verso and she decides to kill Mingothy to get the shoes. Jake manages to wriggle out of Mingothy’s camouflage purse and Mingothy shouts “Hum, Jakey, HUM!!!” as he buzzes along, escaping from the castle and finding the JeffCro and the Blonde WoodsJon to get their help. They arrive at the castle and just as they spring Mingothy from her cell, the Wicked Snatch finds them! She traps them and tells them that they are all about to die. She sets the JeffCro on fire and as Mingothy douses the flame she gets Verso wet too! Verso screams and writhes in pain. Once the trio realize her weakness, they dump more water on her, causing the demise of Verso, the Wicked Snatch Of The West. One of the flying math assignments hands Mingothy the vibrator of the now melty Wicked Snatch. Mingothy saved them and they are grateful to her. But now that they have the vibrator they need to go back to see the Wizard!

Once they get back to Snatcharita City, they head straight to the tower where the wizard is. They go in to see him and give him the vibrator. He is impressed, but tells them to come back tomorrow. As he orders them to leave, Mingothy (who has had a very long day) gets cranky and demands attention. “We bring you vibrata now! You give us wishes now, soldierboy!!!” Nobody was sure what she meant, but it sounded like maybe she was sexually irritated. In the meantime, Jake has gotten out of control and managed to pull down a curtain. Behind the curtain is a man operating levers and speaking into a microphone. “Ten dolla soldierboy?” Mingothy asked him. This upset the man in the booth and he charged out of it, yelling “I DON’T LIKE VIETNAMESE WHORES! I NEVER HAVE! I NEVER WILL! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU SNATCHARITAS?!?!?!?!” Stunned, the JeffCro asked “Who are you, sir?” As the man realized that he had revealed himself, he dashed back into the booth and covered himself. “Pay no attention to the queen behind the curtain”, said the wizard. Suspicious, the JeffCro went to the curtain again and opened it. “Who are you?” he asked.

“I am the powerful Wizard Of OSF” replied the man.
“No true! You bad man!” exclaimed Mingothy.
“No, I’m not a bad man, I’m a good man. I’m a bad wizard.” he replied. He explained that his name was Josh and that he had been teased for years about his broken English so he decided to go into hiding and try a different voice to make people listen to him and respect him. “Not to mention that the Wizard Of OSF does awesome in speech class with that voice!” he told them.

Mingothy was still peeved and she stomped her red Manolo Blahniked foot. “NOT very fresh! You say, soldierboy! You give now!” Josh explained that each of Mingothy’s companions had what it was that they had desired all along. JeffCro had found Jesus ages ago, (which was what he pulled out of the black snatch he had with him) and that he just needed to look to Jesus, that was what he needed to fill his empty area. He told the Blonde WoodsJon (who still looked fabulous after having his roots done the last time they were in Snatcharita City) that the balance he sought came from redecorating and didn’t have anything to do with the fact that he was a bean short of beans and franks, he should just carry his change in the other pocket and start putting some mileage on this Target charge card and a dvd of Trading Spaces reruns. Then it was time to help Mingothy. “Is nothing in snatch for Mingothy”, she said sadly. But Josh said he would take her back in his balloon, he wanted to go home himself! They got ready to leave but Jake wiggled out and Mingothy had to chase him. She didn’t make it back in time and thought she would never get home. Just then, BianP, the Good Snatch Of The North appeared! She explained to Mingothy that she had the power to get home all along, but never would have believed it if she’s said so sooner. All she has to do is click her heels three times and say “There’s no place like home!” Mingothy falls down the first couple of times, but then gets it right, clicking her heels and saying “BuongSen for hoes, BuongSen for hoes, BuongSen for hoes…” Suddenly she ends up back at BuongSen with Mommyyyyy putting a cool cloth on her head! “uhhhhhhmmmmm, Mommyyyy…think you gonna die! But I no terl you, is no nice! And you ok now!” Mingothy’s mommyyyy was taking care of her so she would be ready for her next soldierboy. “Mommyyy, Ming go to prace with no Buong Sen! Very fresh! No moan, no two dolla!” Mommyyy had things to do besides listen to Ming babble on and on. “Mommyyy cancerl you last soldierboy and give to Kerl Ree instead. Ooooh, assmasta was so angry! But I say that he come back at errrrebuuuunnnn and you ready. Go go go! Is afta sebunnnn an you habuh do you hair, and rook arl niiice…” Mingothy got up to go get ready for her next client and Mommyyy said “Ming! You forgeta erectric daddy!” and handed Mingothy a very familar looking vibrator…

so I’m not all that coherent today, you get a list of stuff.

- New people can be cool.

- New people can be a nightmare, too. But sometimes not.

- Karaoke can be fun, if your friends will give you dollars. (:

- Dollar shots are a beautiful, beautiful, BEAUTIFUL thing.

- Some GameCube games rock. Some don’t. Games that lead you everywhere are dumb.

- Unlikely things can happen at Fags On Wheels.

- Midnight is not late. Noon the next day is late.

I’m sure there’s stuff I missed, but whatever.

I’m tired and cranky and lonesome and STARVING. It sucks to be me right now. I can’t really sleep but I’m tired and I’m hungry but there’s nothing to eat and oh, whatever. I just felt obligated to update my lj since I hadn’t in awhile. so here you are. what a lovely update. blah!!!!

I have recently come to the conclusion that I don’t really like who I am now and what it is exactly that is now my life. I just can’t really narrow down any specifics and find certain definable things to change. That really bothers me. Just like being sick or having some sort of technical difficulty, I feel a lot better if I know what it is, even if it can’t be fixed. Well. I’m off to PowerMacPac soon with Niv to touch and covet things. I hope there’s fun stuff there to covet, but I don’t think anyone has the new Powerbooks yet. they look mighty tasty but I want to get my hands on one to see what they’re really like.

[NOTE: I read this today and decided to respond to it here, since my comments were deeply lengthy. Check this out first and then get back to me. (: ]

I used to work in an airport (PDX, actually, the site of the incident with Mr and Mrs Angry Ranting Guy) and worked with a guy who got hassled by security (we had to go through the gates and everything too) every time he and his friend Prince Albert went through. They would wand him, presume it was his pants zipper, and send him on his way. Once he got a relatively cool guard who asked him (he always got stopped, not always the same pants, could it really be the zipper?) and he told them. They said ok, and went on their way.

Keep in mind that this was years ago, pre-federal guards and that now he’d probably be considered some sort of national threat or something if he didn’t whip it out and prove it to them, and maybe whipping it out would be considered a national threat. I hope he doesn’t still work there…

As a female, my underwire has yet to set off a detector, but it still pisses me off that some people have deeply overreacted to security (not all of them, some of those complaints are legit, I know, I know, flamethrowers off please) and now I have to wait twice as long for the “take your shoes off please” section of the search because they have to have a woman do it instead of asking me for my preference or something. I always got someone courteous who used the back of their hand for any touching and did NONE of it without asking me first.

I think that’s what irked Penn, he wasn’t asked. And frankly I don’t blame him in the least. Just like everything else, I think people would be a whole lot cooler about stuff if they were just asked or at least treated decently. That’s what I thought was creepy about the guy Penn got, “Once you cross that line, I can do whatever I want.” That’s not right, but it is common. However, his attitude is balanced by Penn’s: freedom is kind of a hobby with me, and I have disposable income that I’ll spend to find out how to get people more of it. Rock on, Penn! Airports will never be the way they were. I think a lot of people have quit flying as a direct result of this kind of behavior (I refuse to fly Northwest anymore, but that’s because their counter people yelled at me during Detroit Debacle 2002, but that’s another special Verso-Branded ranting post.) and maybe the federal government should stop and say “hey, if nobody’s flying anymore, does it have anything to do with the fact that they get treated horribly by OUR OWN PEOPLE? Maybe if we gave these people a clue this wouldn’t happen and people would fly and the economy would be saved and further budget deficit lunacy could be avoided! Or maybe I just need to shut the fuck up before the FBI subpoenas the lj folks to get my real name and open a file on me. That’s more likely.

Of course the other thing I have to think about is whether or not it’s better that the feds give us these people, since I remember riding the bus home from said daily toil with a security guard who talked to himself and once quit talking to himself long enough to bang his head against the side of the Fred Meyer where he transferred bus lines. Yeah.

Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind. And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind has closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry. Rather, the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, will offer up all of their rights unto the leader and gladly so.
How do I know? For this is what I have done. And I am Caesar. - Julius Caesar

This sticks with me. I think maybe it’s because it’s creepy that it was said so long ago but is still so very eerily true. And look where it got him! K, that’s all.

It freaks me out a little that I am turning into one of my favorite books. Microserfs by Douglas Coupland. It’s about a guy who starts keeping a journal in his powerbook because he’s having trouble sleeping. Most of my entries are on an iMac because I am having trouble sleeping. I think that Douglas Coupland is a tremendous writer for a squillion reasons I’ll gladly go into some other time. That’s why I’m still not sure if this is good or not.

Earlier this evening I was considering Live The Universe and Everything, and suddenly it dawned on me: Is this it? I’m never going to be “happy” and have the things I really want? I’ll never have my college degree or a car or a new computer or a glamorous life to bug the hell out of all the people who mocked me so much in school? I’m just going to be this fluffy humdrum individual? I’m sure there are people who would disagree with me, but right now none of them are here, it’s just me and Enid, and frankly she isn’t doing a very good job of comforting me right now. Am I destined to just be another person? Another year of my life is gone, never to return, and I don’t know if I can honestly say I did anything worthwhile in that time. No. I take that back. I made friends with Jeffro. I think it would be hard to find anything more worthwhile than that. I feel sorry for him in a way, because I know he has his own pile of issues to deal with, but I almost called him about 15 minutes ago and made him get me the fuck out of this house so that I could go somewhere and just get all of this out of my head and onto someone else who will be sympathetic to my situation. I really need to do something about this feeling, and I have decided to do something, I just can’t figure out what, but even if it is the wrong thing I want to do ANYTHING that can make this feeling go away. I figure the hard part is just the getting started-if I can get started, even if it’s the wrong direction, it’s easier to change direction than get started at all.

I don’t really make resolutions, but this year I have like, a personal to-do list, and if it works out, great, if not, I’ll just carry over to next year. I want to get a job that I want to keep, survive the first phase of the Atkins diet, get my license reinstated, and take one college course. I think they’re modest, and I’m hoping that keeping them modest will make them easier to keep.

I’ve also been feeling creative lately, I want to make stuff. No particular kind of stuff, just stuff. I got an R2-D2 Lego set for christmas and I put that together today. It was really fun to do. I’m also crocheting a blanket as a gift for someone. It feels good to create, even if nobody else knows I created it. The fact that I get to give that blanket to someone else is just a bonus, I get the joy out of the process, not the result. I guess I need to get joy from somewhere, right? Maybe I’ll do something cool with Jeffro, I’m sure between us we could be frighteningly creative and something cool MUST eventually come out of it.

Making lists sometimes makes me feel like it’s easier to get to bed, so I think I’ll make a list or two and see if that helps. I feel a bit more evened out now that I’ve typed all this, but I can’t say for sure it will help me get to bed. I hope something does, this not sleeping thing just plain sucks.