The Bananaverse

I recently noticed (because I tried it) that all dryer-fresh still warm laundry smells the same. Towels or shirts or jeans, dryer sheets scented or unscented, high temp or low, all laundry smells the same. How do they do that? Cotton, polyester, acrylic, it doesn’t matter. It’s a little weird, now that I think about it. And kind of creepy.

This is one of those posts like my candy one where I just sort of noticed something but everybody will be amused by it. That was effed up. I noticed that the center of an Everlasting Gobstopper tastes just like a Bottle Cap. I ate them in that order which is how I found it out. People I know were all like “That’s hilarious!” Well, it’s true. I wonder what weird combination of candy I can find this year? I might have to check that out…

They let me go yesterday. It just wasn’t working out, they said. I don’t know what to do now. It was 28 days of readjustment and settling in and trying to learn and meeting new people. But it wasn’t working out. An email queue of nearly 300 messages when I started became a queue of 1. A message that neither I or the other weekend guy had any idea how to handle. 28 days of ‘here is your password’ and ‘your domain has expired’. 28 days of learning office politics and CRM software. 28 days of voice mail and solitary lunches. 28 days of helping people and trying to understand how the programmer who does nothing but talk to his buddy in support about Hitman 3 and the Jackass movie gets anything done. 28 days of trying to figure out if the IT guy doesn’t like me because I refuse to be terrorized when he starts flinging rubber bands and foam balls around the office. 28 days of relief that after six months of searching I finally found a job and at least for a little while the pressure is off. 28 days of parental calls and emails, assuring them I’m doing ok, and it’s a bit overwhelming but I like it. 28 days of commuting to Vancouver. 28 days of meeting people and finding friends.

28 days of employment. At an end. What now? Is this the universe punishing me for not taking the 8.50/hr job I got offered first? Is this some greater force telling me that I need to take my ass back to college? Is it life somehow getting back at me for something I don’t remember doing? Is it because I have curly hair? Is it because I didn’t give every homeless person ever money? Is it because I didn’t take the chance six years ago to move to Nevada and help a friend of mine run a call center? Is it because I got married? Is it because I’m about to have a birthday? Is it because is it because is it because….

I’d like to think I’m a bit more observant when some sort of Cosmic Sign is delivered into my life. But this time I’m just not seeing it. That’s why I’m so bothered. It’s got all the makings of some kind of Sign, but I can’t read it, it’s in Klingon or Basic or something that I just don’t understand. I don’t yet have a cosmic Babelfish, so I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

If you know me in meatspace, please give me a hug the next time you see me. And none of that half-assed one-arm business. Like you mean it. Thanks.

So Jeffro hauled me out West the other night to go to Denny’s. It was sort of fun to dish a little about other people and realize that I wasn’t all that far off in assessing people. This led to eating, which led to a check, which led to paying at the register. While there I remembered the last time we were there, when I was asking J.Ro if Ricky Martin took visa, cuz he’s everywhere I want to be. He said no, Ricky takes Latin American Express…joo don’t leave your casa if joo ain’t got it, ese. So I was remembering that and got the giggles. This (somehow) led to me and J.Ro going “I been looking at joo through the window, homes” “Is this Juan Knotts?” “Dios Mio!!”

That was all it took. That and then we began to discuss the Com and he told me about Shajanana or something, this guy that was putting on the mack recently, so we started using it in sentences and stuff….Sonny and Shajanana, and so on and so on until I broke J.Ro by going “Shajanana, Shajanana, hey hey hey, hoolalalalala” or something. We giggled the whole way through construction about that. I hope he posts something too because I forgot some I’m sure.

Big weekend! I get to reprise my Edina Monsoon role tonight to go out with Big Willie and some others tonight, so it should be fun. Saturday is some uber party on my side of town (sorta) with all the free liquor there is or something. Maybe sunday I’ll get to nap, and if I work it right, that’ll be the best part of the weekend.

This morning I got dressed and went back to bed because I had a little while to give Scooter the snuggles. It was nice. I wish I had more of that to do, but I do like doing that whole “show up and they give you money” thing that seems to work out ok for me.

Short update. I’m a bit bleary, so if I survive the weekend it’ll be quite the trick.

So! I have been asked to tell this story and I like it so I’m going to keep it here to remember my friend and stuff.

I knew this guy, and his name was Alex. He was funny and nice and sharpened his claws on anyone deserving. It was fantastic to know him. He’s the sort of person that everyone remembers meeting, be it for good or ill. During The Summer Of Austin (as I call it, a specific three month period when the first Austin Powers movie was always in my VCR) he programmed his phone to ring the theme and had me help him with it. He could be a complete bitch if he had the right reason. Anyway.

He worked with Traven at a Taco Bell. He was the manager and Traven worked there “for 20 minutes in the 80’s” (a term I have originated for things that didn’t last long at all) so Alex was his boss. At some point, for whatever reason, he turned to Traven one day, folded his arms in front of him, and while he nodded his head once and closed his eyes, he said “Lettuce!” (think I Dream Of Jeannie) and proceeded to make Traven laugh very very hard. So after that, anytime Alex needed something done, he’d turn to Traven and do that. “Beans!” “Lobby!” and so on. Traven reminded me of him recently by doing that, and J.Ro had yet to hear the tale. So I told him the story, and he was entertained as well.

This is (as much as I hate using this word nothing else fits) a bittersweet (grr) story, because Alex was killed just about three years ago. I may have some details wrong, but it sounds like he was killed over eighty dollars. I think it’s a goddamn tragedy that he isn’t here anymore. I miss him and it isn’t fair to have such a decent human being so forcibly removed considering they are in short supply.

So that’s my story. I hope that reading about my friend Alex helps you recall (fondly) someone you knew once who will always be with you.

I actually uttered that sentence earlier. I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry. I haven’t been up to a lot lately, just some work stuff but I’ll get to more about that later. I hope to have my thoughts collected on that soon. So far it isn’t bad and I like that whole Paycheck system they or whatever it is they call it. I’m totally glad to have that workin for me. woo! Anyway.

I found a CD I’m sending to LipLash. Glorious doesn’t even begin to describe it. It must be seen to be believed. I’m SO making myself a copy! I love the Record Exchange.

Bambi and I talked for nearly an hour earlier tonight. I love Bambi and I miss her so very much. I told Scooter this and he asked why. Why? Because she isn’t here to talk about things with, or paint nails with, or goof off with, or confirm the suspicions I was having about things that are stupid. Scooter: What kind of things? Me: It doesn’t matter now, she isn’t here to confirm my suspicions! bah! So Bambi if you read this, or LipLash, if you read this get Bambi: I miss you so much and I love you and I need you to come home now, this whole Utah thing is sort of unfortunate and you should be back. I miss Wham! moments and George Michael newsy updates and cackling at Passions or Days and sharing a blanket on the couch and buying stuff and eyeliner and baa and ink pen hair and blah ass rar and areas and wingies and vengeful strawberry socks. I miss all kinds of other stuff too but it’s late and I’m sleepy, but all the stuff I didn’t say I miss that stuff too. It’s almost time for me to come visit again, I can tell. Anyway. I hope you see this so you know that I care about you very much.

So sreepy! night!!

I would totally keep Max Collins in a wicked trance for a day. rowr! Partly because he used “lack thereof” in a lyric. Smart lyrics, rockin music. Tasty doesn’t hurt either! grr, baby. VERY grr. I need to stop daydreaming while I do this marketing comparison report…

Last night was a lot of fun, I guess. At least, that’s what I heard. I got a mad case of the sleepies last night and crashed on the couch of J.Ro’s lovely friend. He is in fact lovely, mostly because he survived both of us after we’d each had a couple of drinks. He didn’t like, freak out or cry or demand therapy or anything. It was really cool. We went there to watch AbFab. Needless to say, I woke up on the couch alone. So I of course called J.Ro and the back of the apartment started to ring, so I figured out what was going on and hung up. He shouted up to see if it was me, and I said yeah, I just didn’t know where he was. He said what if he didn’t have his phone, and I said his name wasn’t Traven so I knew he did. Anyway. I got some sleep and then went home to get almost no more, and J.Ro got some rather enjoyable BA action from what I understand, so he was thankful for the housecleaning ahead of time. hhhhEH!

We were watching AbFab and it was the one where they went to France and Bubble wore that large white shaggy coat. She appeared on the screen and J.Ro said “look! It’s the Abominable Dingbat!” I got the giggles pretty much till I fell asleep. I spent most of the time going “that’s me and J.Ro” and “that’s me, I’ve said that” and “we’re so much alike she’s even lefthanded too!” it was sort of interesting. We used to think we were a Latina maid from being Jack and Karen, but I think realistically we’re a blonde beehive from being Eddy and Pats. Yeah.

So! It was a good time. But I started this whole thing to quote more Matthew Good. This is called “Push” and I really like it today:

There used to be a tv show called The Land of the Lost
its kind of an insight into the downfall of mankind, if you will
a half-hour fallout shelter broadcast from a distant shore
the point is, they never killed the bloody dinosaur

the moral of the story there is no moral
if you missed it today you can always watch it tomorrow
had a nightmare where Nietzche was dressed up like a clown
I was just about to jump off a bridge
he says to me
Matt, don’t look down it’ll go away
if it ain’t here it doesn’t really matter where you go
if it ain’t here it doesn’t really matter

you ever notice how Shaggy and Scooby always ran around in a circle
a friend of mine thought it was a metaphor for life so he did
did you ever notice there was a Nixon sticker on the back of the Mystery Machine?
and it said, I would’ve gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for those meddling kids

the moral of the story there is no moral
what I’ve been trying to say is what I’ve been saying all along
I had a dream there was a mermaid swimming in my bathtub
said life was like an airplane, it’ll crash before long

so don’t look down it’ll go away
if it ain’t here it doesn’t really matter where you go
if it ain’t here it doesn’t really matter

spotlights painted the building and the people gathered for the show
and a bum would finger the wind to see which way he blow
and the evening news people sat in their chairs
and waited for their makeup
and the police controlling the crowd in the street
well, they didn’t think to look up
and it would suddenly seem that the world would turn the other way
as if the sun had come out and then changed the darkness into day
perhaps we are most peaceful when our sanity’s on edge
cuz no one bothered to wonder who the guy was
stranded on the ledge

so you just
don’t look down
don’t look down
don’t look down it’ll go away

don’t look down
don’t look down
just push

Song: Push
Album: Euphony
Released: 1994
—
This song reminds me of a song by Dog’s Eye View that is another interesting commentary until you get to the end, where it is sort of snarly. Kind of like me, especially today. I pasted it below:

Bulletproof And Bleeding

Would you fuck yourself for money
Would you kill me for my own good
Would you slap your sister if she asked you to
I’ve seen your work, I guess you would

Your here waiting for the rapture
You best staying overnight

Hey are you coming ’round
Hey are you coming ’round
Hey are you coming ’round
Thought you might.

You you’re bulletproof and bleeding
Say your dirty, now your not
And you walk around town with your Jackie-O halo
And that’s all you got

People like you is that all you will ever need
Your here waiting for the rapture
And me I’m praying there’s a dawn

Hey are you coming ’round
Hey are you coming ’round
Hey are you coming ’round
Or are you gone?

Everybody loves the man on a cliff
Some hope for heroes
Most of us beg for blood

We all stay to see if he falls
No one stays to pick him up
Much too busy for his rapture
We can catch it on the news tonight instead, yea

Hey are you coming ’round
Hey are you coming ’round
Hey are you coming ’round

Or are you dead
Or are you dead

I heard you were dying
Think it might be true
I heard you were dying
Good for you

I hope you’re dead
I hope you’re dead
—–
From the album “Happy Nowhere”. RIYL Counting Crows or Matt Good. I’m in that mood lately. Counting Crows, Matt Good, Dog’s Eye View, and Depeche Mode “Songs Of Faith And Devotion”. I heard bits of it the other night at Dot’s, and now I want to hear it a lot. Anyway. I’m off now. Rizzle Rohizzle and all that…

I really really REALLY like Matthew Good, and the Matthew Good Band. He did some stuff solo, he did some stuff as MGB. He writes some really interesting songs lyrically, and he doesn’t go in for all that slickly overproduced bs. He’s got some of the best just-plain-rock songs out there, IMNSHO. Plus anyone who wrote a song called “Generation X-Wing” can’t be all bad, right? One of my favorite lyrics is “Everyone’s gotta be something/Me? I’m loaded”. And he sometimes wears a shirt that says “I hear Matt Good is a real asshole.” That’s pretty awesome. He has a pretty good voice, and he actually did justice to a DM song with his cover of Enjoy The Silence. Generally DM covers make me want to hit people, but this one makes me all happy. Anyway. When you’re done checking out what it is that Traven went on about in his lj recently, you can then investigate Matt Good. He is fab and has absolutely won the Verso Seal Of Approval. k, that’s all.

Sometimes, if you are in a room with no lights on, there’s something really comforting and sort of soothing about the hum and the ambient glow of a soda machine.

Then again, I have no issue with this larger than life picture of an Orc snarling at me from next to my monitor here at work. So I don’t know that I’m making any kind of profound and worldwide statement here. Of course I’m not, the whole world doesn’t have soda machines yet…

This is starting to feel as random as the entry where I said that Everlasting Gobstopper centers are the exact same stuff as Bottle Caps. Random, accurate, and entertaining. I think if I had to pick four words to describe myself, that would be three. I’d have to pick geeky as the fourth. And I would trade accurate for smart. I’m just going to shut up now.

Right after I make this note to myself: izzle fo shnizzle!

Of me and Jeffro this evening between rousing rounds of Uno and watching tv and trying to install his windshield wipers so we could go get some snacky food:

Now I don’t have to poop in my washing machine! ummm, yay?
You sound like Bea Arthur, all blahlahlahlah…. Bea Arthur goes blahlahlahlah?
I have half a mind to go over there…Are you guysh kishing in there? I have Altoidsh…
You know, that’s one of those sentences that will never EVER have a right context…
Goddammit! Go!
Scooter asked me why there’s never a Hurricane Verso. There is too, once a month.
You know, I bet I could make a chandelier out of old coat hangers and a Bedazzler!
What has Matt Damon done for me lately? Duh duhduh duh duh… What is that? You know, Janet Jackson…that was the first thing I thought, but I figured that was too screwed up.
Mommyyyyyyy lay downa deh smack!
Please shuffle. I’m too retarded to operate the cards.
I mean Germany, really, wtf is that about???

That’s all for right now. Jeffro and I had a really good time hanging out and being stupid. It was lots of fun.

I’m listening to bits of Hello Nasty again by the Beastie Boys. I haven’t had this record out in awhile, so hearing it again after like a year or so reminds me why I was so terribly happy about it in the first place when I bought it.

Oh yeah! I’m at WORK!!!! I’ll get into more detail on that later, but I finally did get a job, and I got it at the end of my unemployment insurance. I mean the absolute end. I had just received my last check and was about to fill out the extension form when I was offered the job. It’s cool. bye!