The Bananaverse

Couple of things, k?

-If you make a big glass of Tang, don’t drink it too fast. urgh. it makes your tummy all like, “wtf is your problem? this isn’t even really orange, you know!”

-Television Without Pity is one of the coolest sites ever. I wish I could get to write for them or something. Some of the recaps though, they make me say “wtf is your problem?”

-If you are someone I know who is going on a date with someone else I know, I have one word for you: Vivarin.

-If you think that I’m talking smack about you in my lj, then fucking take it up with me and come to me and say “wtf is your problem?” don’t tell someone who tells someone who tells me, ok? That just gets you filed in the Homodex under S, for spineless. If you’re a guy, you have balls, so get them out from time to time! (PS: If you’re in the Homodex, that makes you a guy. get it?)

-Enid is getting better. I’m less likely to look at her now and say “wtf is your problem?”

-Originally I titled this “Random Thoughts”. Then I noticed a common theme. wtf is my problem?

I’m hopelessly addicted to Television Without Pity and their recaps of various shows. I got reeled into the season two QAF recaps and I’m hooked. On the page of all the recaps, you can see a brief description of what’s in the episode. One particular description is as follows: Holy Moly! Accentuate the Positive - Reading the recap alone will ensure your slot in hell. Beware. It’s worse than the “Like a Prayer” video in here.

I’m in the living room doing my morning surfing on Gordon. As I do this, Scooter’s in the office playing “Like A Prayer”. I got the giggles and I couldn’t stop! aaah!

For whatever reason, we’re watching The Love Boat and Captain Stubing said “And now, the highlight of our cruise, the Panama Canal!” To which I promptly replied “THAT is the highlight of my cruise? I want my money back!” How lame is this? I’ll tell you. Almost as lame as seeing the tight white shorts they forced Gopher to wear. Good Lord.

Sometimes I wonder if my life isn’t a bit like Seinfeld. I have a lot of similar people in my life: Newman (the freaky mailman downstairs), Watley (the dentist who converted to Judaism for the jokes), Banyan (lameass comedian), and so on and so on. I am waiting to see if someday I run into someone I know and something in the same tone of voice as ‘hello, Newman” or clench my teeth and make a fist and go “watley!” It’s creeping me out a little. (:

So JeffRo and I went to Denny’s. Neither of us are quite sure why. Anyhoozle, while we were there, we were discussing stuff, and I said that recently, when we ran into someone we knew, he didn’t really talk to me and that was weird. JeffRo replied “Well, he talked to me for a minute, but I think it was just because his weiner told him to.” Then later we talked about something I forget about now and he thought I said apple something so we had a weird apple-based conversation. As we were going to leave he made the cushion on his side of the booth freak out and pop up or something and he started talking about how wrong it was and how very very broken. I looked at him oddly and he started bouncing up and down and going “I’m serious, it’s messed up…” and I got the giggles and I couldn’t stop. So he says “It was like this when I sat down…” which didn’t help and I laughed so hard all my stomach muscles hurt. There was very nearly iced tea out my nose. It was bad bad bad.

Earlier today while attempting to reshuffle the living room I was out of ideas when Scooter said “Isn’t there an interior decorator in your band of Merry Men?” How fitting. I think I’ll call them that from now on. Band Of Merry Men. Now I think of Mel Brooks, we’re men, manly men, we’re men in tights…yes!

In other news, Scooter has taken to discussing how he wants to eat me. Not like, in a naughty way, but in a ‘I want to put your arm on the barbecue’ way. It’s creepy and he knows I think it’s creepy so he does it more to creep me out. I have to get over this as soon as I can so he has to move on to some other form of torture. It’s just not right!

I think if I was sitting in an empty room with only JeffRo and Ukiah to entertain me I would still end up having a really good time. Later I will write ALL about being popular for the first time in my entire life. It freaks me out. and right now I need some hot bed action!

JeffRo: Cook my sock! Yeah.

Just went and saw Signs. I wish they hadn’t explicitly shown them. That’s about it, really, the movie as a whole was decent. Still with my dad, just sort of sad I haven’t spent much time with him. When we got back from the movie there was a card in the door, and the note inside mentioned that my dad had lost all of his family. That hit me hard, I feel really bad for him right now because of that. I am thinking of asking Scooter to move here if possible. I know my dad won’t ever leave, and I was noticing how nice it was here that they know all their neighbors, and they know so may other people and how nice it would be if I knew all my neighbors and had family around and stuff. I’m sort of wondering what makes me think that moving back here would be a good idea: is it just the niceness of being here for a short time or is it really something more? I can’t decide. I just know that it bothered me to realize that and how lonesome my dad must feel right now. I’m not sure what I can do about it except budget a greyhound ticket or two into the budget when I get home. I miss home. I miss my computer and my stuff and my ability to sit around in my underpants and stuff. I guess I’ll give up and go to bed now (12:10 AM) and get up early in the morning. It’s hard to sleep with no Scooter though. And I left a message again tonight and everything and still no call…

I love BBC America. I want to pay for digital cable strictly so that I may view Graham Norton on a regular basis. Plus they rerun Abfab and Keeping Up Appearances and other stuff that’s fun to watch. I feel more hip or sophisticated or something watching television from far off lands. This Graham Norton guy is fantastic! He has a talk show and he pulled the tablecloth off the coffee table, wrapped it round his neck, pushed up the sleeves of his suit, and as Simple Minds started playing(Don’t You Forget About Me), he said “It was 1984. This song was out. I wasn’t.” And he has Molly Ringwald as his first guest. I love him. He just looked at a guy and said “You don’t have a mobile phone? At ALL?! You FREAK!” and I think he is fab. He is doing a big brother bit now and I love him. Plust all the guests are escorted down the aisle by cute boys not wearing shirts. If he wasn’t like, English and famous, he would SO be in the HomoDex. In case you so desire, there’s a british grocer section of the bbcamerica website. Thought I’d share. Now I’m watching “Changing Rooms”, the Brit origins for Trading Spaces. This is one of the coolest things ever. I love this version so so much! It’s awesome that they let the people have a hand in the design instead of having some stilettoed terror magically appear and whip up some sort of circus tent or glue hay to the wall. There’s a special ring of hell reserved for her. I’m certain it will be laden with ceiling fans and all the walls will be white, no matter how much she tries to paint them. And both the rooms turned out beautifully. That’s so rare on Trading Spaces. There’s even a word for her particular brand of decor: hiLdeous. It’s a wonderful wonderful word. It makes me so happy to know it exists.

JeffRo called me earlier. I was glad to hear from him. I am glad that it’s still possible to have a normal conversation, even though I snapped my phone antenna in half (accidentally! god.) and and I am nowhere near my regular routine. It makes me happy that he misses me, even though he has other things to do. I wish Scooter had called, I tried to call like four times and it was always busy. Dangit. I feel weird if I don’t talk to him each day, even for just a minute. And there’s not net access here (that I can confirm) so I can’t get on aim or icq or anything and chat with him that way. I’m getting sleepy so I should go to bed now. Stuff they advertise is starting to look tempting. Yikes!

So yesterday I came out east with my mom. Here are some things I realized:
-When you watch TV with your parents, there’s FAR too much sex on tv.
-I miss my Scooter in the worst way.
-If I could take the time, I could do some really cool stuff with a sewing machine and various other crafty appliances.
-Quiet in my own house is completely different from any other form of quiet anywhere ever.

…and nowhere on the box did it say “may cause anal bleeding”. I actually said that today. Guess who I was saying it to. Anysnatch.

Today was fun. I suppose I ought to update this junk once in awhile so here goes:

-It’s really hot today. It’s still really effing hot in my house tonight. bah.
-I want more fans or a better way to circulate air through my casa. this sucks.
-I need for ALL the refugees to leave Afghanistan forthwith. dammit.
-Going to the mall with Ukiah and JeffRo can be a delightful experience. even with the tide going out in a lovely beach resort town in Afghanistan.
-There are very few acceptable cell phone screen covers in the world.
-A space in the mall that used to be a store with a western theme is no place for a Claire’s, even temporarily.
-Enid is getting better. She won’t ever be the same, but she could be pleasant nonetheless. I’m not really looking forward to having to get to know her again, though.
-I’m so afraid of this new drive going bad.
-Mangos are a bit slimy and more than a tad weird.
-”That’s not right. It’s not even wrong.” This is me and JeffRo.
-No ty fo luuuu, doctah jones!
-My eye is aggravating me so much with this whole fuzzy contact thing I think I might just hurt people.
-When my mood swings are even beyond my control, I feel really bad when I snarl at people needlessly. Sometimes.
-Some people need to learn when to shut the hell up about what they think of other people.
-Some people really ought to develop thicker skin. How can I help this happen?
-I want to eat everything in my house all at once.
-Buffy is a pretty good show.
-Smallville is a really really good show.
-I’m actually considering applying for jobs in Vancouver. I think this should make me cry.
-I am a bit more concerned about the crunchy sound my neck makes these days.
-There are days when I need a hug and cannot for the life of me find one.
-I sometimes need the right kick in my pants to make things happen. I think I have it now.
-JeffRo is a fabulous fabulous person. I just think he’s great, and I don’t tell him that nearly enough.
-I think I really need to get some sleep. This is a problem.

Why don’t cookbooks have REAL recipes in them? Like what I made tonight:

Pasta Salad
A buncha fresh herbs
pasta
one sad burner
a big pot
a strainer
pesto sauce mix
a pile o’ garlic, munched through the garlic press

Start chopping up herbs to put in the pasta since that takes twice as long as everything else. Chop them up finally, feel accomplished. Realize you have to stop and go run errands. Run errands. Come back to resume pasta salad process, realize you have to make a nice side dish for dinner first. whip up some sort of Roni and eat dinner. do dishes. Start following directions on pesto sauce. Realize that the package you bought at the end of July says use by February. grumble and wonder about When Pesto Goes Bad. Make it anyway. Start boiling water for pasta. Realize it will take about three years and go check email instead. come back, note boiling, and dump a buncha pasta in the pot, hope its enough, but not too much. stir sometimes, hoping it will all actually cook. finally get pasta close to done and get breathless phone call from best friend re: drama du jour. attempt to convince husband to take garbage out because if you thow away one more thing you’ll have a trashalanche. get pasta drained and mixed with questionable pesto sauce, herbs of labor, and garlic. Attempt to mix and almost fail because you made the precise amount of pasta to fill the bowl, leaving no room to actually mix the mixture. Realize it needs something, decide on olives. begin the process of locating olives, finally discovering some in the back of the cabinet. Add olives. Realize it still needs help, add mushrooms too. Attempt to stir together. drop a couple noodles on the counter and try to clean them up so the person behind the recently disinfected kitchen does not unleash wrath upon you. stir as best you can, realize it’s 11:15 and you still have to hand wash the pots and pans you used. throw the lid on the salad, declaring victory even though you aren’t even finished since you never added any parmesan cheese. Wash two pots and dry them. Realize you forgot one. Admit defeat and decide to update online diary instead.

Scooter accuses me of being the weird one. Often. Moments ago I witnessed him with the ‘case’ end of a pocketknife in his mouth, flipping the knife end up so it touched his nose, surfing the web, and listening to “I’ve Got A Loverly Bunch Of Coconuts”. But I’m the weird one. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Here’s some miscellaneous stuff on my mind lately:

JeffRo and I went out awhile ago to get some Fries Of Sadness. While there, we got no Fries of Sadness. Well, I guess we did, what makes them Of Sadness is that they are cajun and come with ranch (or as they say in Minneapolis, zesty dill sauce). So we ate them and the waitress like NEVER came back. So the Fries Of QuasiSadness became Fries Of Aggravation or something similar. We were sitting waiting to see if she’d at least come fill our iced tea or make sure we hadn’t died or completely vandalized the booth or something when JeffRo picked up his iced tea spoon (those long skinny ones) and taps the handle end on the table a little bit. Then he taps it over to the bottle o’ Malt Vinegar and the spoon appears to look it up and down and go “how *you* doin?” so the spoon and the malt vinegar danced across the table to “The Bottle Makes Three” by Big Bad Voodoo Daddy which is funny because I love BBVD, and because every time I hear that song I will think of the spoon and the vinegar getting their groove on. Then the spoon walked the Malt Vinegar home and the ketchup was all like “how *you* doin?” to the spoon and the malt vinegar was like “Oh, no you di in’t!” and they got into it a bit until the salt said “mommy, daddy, stop fighting!” So then JeffRo says “Next time, on As The Lazy Susan Turns, Mustard finds out that Pepper isn’t his!” But we decided mustard’s real problem is that he’s bitter cuz he’s short.

Last night on the subject of breaking wind, Ukiah announced “If you love something, set it free!” and then made a noise like he let one go. I was giggly for awhile so I told him I’d make a note of it. (:

I guess ChrisR and JeffRo as a couple are no more. In one way I’m sad because I like ChrisR, and I like JeffRo, and at first it was nice to see them together and being all ‘new relationship’y, but in another way I’m happy because at least the drama drama drama portion of their lives is greatly reduced. And selfishly, the drama section of my life shrinks as well. So I’ve got that going for me, which is nice. I wish things didn’t have to go down the way they did, but at least it’s settled now.

Scooter is deeply into WarCraft3, which amuses me. He’s not one to play games so to see him fully reeled in is sort of fun. He mumbles stuff in like, other languages now or something. He went around the other day muttering about “grum” or something and for a moment I thought he’d lost his mind entirely. Then I heard his computer go “faggots are stealing all our belongings!” It said bandits, but for a moment I wondered just exactly what sort of game is wc3 anyway?

Last night I got to hang out with JeffRo and Ukiah. We had fun, I think. There was giggling, there was happiness, there was fun. Scooter came home while Ukiah was having a cigarette outside on the step so he wasn’t smoking in the house, and he was unhappy about it. “Some guy I don’t even know is *smoking* on the front porch!” “That’s my friend Ukiah.” “You don’t have a friend Ukiah.” wtf? A) how do you know, and B) he’s been my friend since the earth’s crust cooled or something, and he remembers meeting you a lot. C) and most importantly, if I’d known when you would be here, we would have left by now! He takes off with his friend and they do random miscellaneous stuff for a random amount of time. Could be an hour, could be a day. You just never know. That’s why I made alternative plans. Anyway. Aside from that I was happy with yesterday.

I’m still not finding a job yet. It sort of makes me sad, because I got jerked around for nearly a week on one I thought would be pretty ok. I’m really only looking at jobs I can get to on the bus that pay decently. Not Great, not good, but decently. Scooter wants to know why I haven’t found anything and what it is I’m looking for and maybe I should widen my search. I told him if he wanted to drive me to Wilsonville and pick me up EVERY DAY then I’d be happy to do just that. I am frustrated because I have enough experience to be a lead someplace, but I’ve never done it so I have to start at the bottom. I hope I can find someplace that will allow me to work my way up. Now that Tarzhay is open, I guess I could always be a retail whore if I had to. Dammit. I just don’t want to! I want to think that it’ll get better, but I can’t say that because I don’t know. And hoping sure as shit doesn’t seem to be working, I’ve been doing that for months.

I started dieting again. Not hardcore or anything, more a ‘pay attention to what the hell I’m chowing down every day’ kind of diet. I want to fit into all the cool clothes I bought a size or two ago. I need to go to a gym. I can’t afford the gym. anyway. I’m off to consider breakfast now I guess. That’ll be fun too…

My aunt passed away today after a long fight with cancer. For awhile it looked like she might pull it off, but it got bad again and she passed away this afternoon. I’m really sad for a lot of reasons, but there’s a part of me that is glad she isn’t suffering anymore. Now I worry about my dad and my uncle and even though my dad sounded ok on the phone, his sister just died so I know he’s not ok. It bothers me that he’s not ok and I can’t do anything to help him. Now I need to figure out how to get my non-car-owning ass back that direction to be there for my family.

Yeah, YOU! Do me a favor. Un-fuckin-clench, ok? Desnatch, debitch, adjust the stick, do whatever you need to do so that you can CEASE all of the following:

-Calling me 9 times a day
-Taking offense that you didn’t make any plans and I went ahead and made my own that didn’t include you.
-Attempting to play pathetic head games that just aggravate me. I know you’re trying for the opposite reaction, but I got news for you, sport: you failed.
-Quit when you’re ahead. If you are aiming for aggravation, then quit when I’m aggravated. Don’t continue or you’ll venture into the realm of Unadulterated Rage. It’s not as far as it used to be.
-Get down off your goddamned cross. Someone else needs the wood.

I’d write more but I’m too cranky right now to care.

What makes ears make ear wax? I usually clean them out about once a week or so, but lately it’s been daily and I still don’t seem to be keeping up. I so confusa!