The Bananaverse

I’m listening to the Me First & The Gimme Gimmes version of 500 Miles. That makes me laugh every time.

So! I just went out and mowed the lawn. I feel so accomplished. I need to be outside enjoying it instead of in here. I think I’m going to make Gordon a priority again so I can sit in the sun and enjoy myself. Gordon and a nice lawn chair. Yeah. Anyway. I couldn’t start the lawn mower (I can rarely start the lawn mower) and I was giving up to go inside when the guy across the street (his name is Brian) hopped up off his front step and came over and helped me start it. I was pleased to know a) that I have a nice neighbor, and b) his name. That was cool. But the self propelled lawn mower (like I could mow any other way! I mean, I could, yeah, but why? this way I just steer) makes you hold two bars down, and one is the drive bar that makes it go. I hold that one down with my right hand, and now that I held it down (only partway or the lawnmower runs away, not that it gets far because then I’m not holding the bar anymore, but anyway) for all that time and emptied the bag and stuff it gave my right arm the same feeling I used to get when I was climbing, like the muscles are just too worked and now my right hand has the shakes. At least it’s not the important arm.

Scooter’s at his dad’s installing new shocks. Sounds very manly. I stayed home to do what? Mow the lawn. Another manly chore. Not to mention that hefting the lawn mower and the grasscatcher around is doing nothing to diminish my freakish manly dragqueen shoulders. We measured them the other day, and my biceps (non flexed) are twelve inches around! twelve. For some reason twelve always reminds me of the cartoon on Sesame Street of the pinball game going “onetwothree four five sixseveneight nine ten eleventwelve!” in that weird music. Please tell me that you vaguely remember this or I might just die. Somehow weird crap sticks in my brain and never ever leaves. Like that song, and Jerry Fallwell is Jerry Lee Lewis’ cousin, and Andrew Ridgeley’s solo album. Not just sticks there, but sticks there for ALL TIME. It’s terrifying. I don’t know how it all ended up there, I managed to amass this sort of information before the internet was given to mere mortals. in retrospect this pile of trivia seems even more impressive since I couldn’t just camp out in front of the web and google my way to a better life. But sometimes I wonder what would be different if I had…anyway.

SO! Today we went to Woodburn outlet shopping and we went to Troutdale for the same thing. I got undies and funnels and shoes and a new dress. It was cool. We had a good time and stuff. JeffRo and I were Beavising along to a song and we both did the same weird thing at the same time. We giggled for like 5 miles. Which was after we ate, before we ate we turned onto I-5 instead of crossing it to see food on the other side from the outlet mall so we had to go all the way to Brooks and back again goddammit. or something. so we ate and listened to some locals. “Can’t do it fridee. fridee’s hair day!” and “Like me, I don’t have lids, I just use some pieces of paperboard I found in the trash.” and “we aren’t coming out if it’s rainin, it ain’t no good to go out if it’s rainin.” Sage advice. Especially in the rainy section of a rainy area of oregon. duh!

So then we came home and we were sorta bored and discussing pr0n so JeffRo and Scooter and I went pr0n shopping. At one place, the guy asked me about my shirt, which features Bert & Ernie of Sesame Street fame. He said “So, who’s the butch and who’s the bitch?” We decided that Ernie was the bitch, Bert’s too much of a control freak. Their DVD pr0n selection was less than optimal. On the way to that store, we saw a place we’d never been so we thought we’d try it out. Well, there was a door that said “come into the lobby” so we sent Scooter in. He said a hot chick came out and he asked her where the video store is and she said the next door down. He was all a-giggly when he came out of the lobby and told us it was whores, WHORES! yeah. So we went to Carrow’s for some chow and JeffRo and Scooter had a giggly moment of giggly over them. I guess they liked it or something, and they were very entertained. I hear that we may need to make a return trip or something, but they tried to say it was because the video store we were actually looking for was closed. Whatever.

yeah, I suck. I went a month ago now. We had a really good time! We saw:

Ground Zero
Empire State Bldg
Rockefeller Center
Today Show & Plaza
Statue Of Liberty
Wall Street
Ellis Island
Little Italy (Parts)
Macy’s
Bloomingdale’s
Grand Central Station
Times Square
Brooklyn Bridge
Central Park
Strawberry Fields
Dakota Hotel
Ed Sullivan Theatre (Not for Letterman, just the outside)
Hello Deli (It was closed though)
Radio City Music Hall
MTV Studios
Good Morning America/ABC Building
Tavern On The Green
Trump Tower
Plaza Hotel
FAO Schwarz
The Subway!
Helpful New Yorkers
A New Yorker that almost got hit by a cab and he swore and gave the cab the finger

And I probably forgot stuff, but those were the highlights, I guess. There was a lot of stuff to see and do and touch and I didn’t get anywhere near doing it all, but I hope to go back again and spend some real time, not just a rushed weekend.

We had a barbecue at Josh’s house. Not the Josh that is my friend with the LJ, the other one. We had salmon and we had halibut and we had chicken. The chicken was really really good. We were talking about how we were going to write about the goodness of the chicken in our diarrhea cha cha cha, but I am the only one who has a diarrhea cha cha cha, so here it is in my diary. Dear Diary. We ate chicken tonight for dinner. Me and Scooter and JeffRo and Josh and it was tasty AND delicious. Thank you. That is all.

PS-then we drank a bunch of Skyy Blue and Mike’s Lemonade and went to Silverado and we drank more drinks and we danced and we got all sweaty and weird boys grabbed our hineys and we danced and we got all sweaty and we saw people I knew and we danced and we got all sweaty and we um, danced and got all sweaty and then we um, tipped some strippers some dollars (yay zebraman!) and then we went home. The end.

JeffRo says hi. he is leaning on me and giggling because we danced and we got all sweaty. yeah. JeffRo is cute and single. he bats for the not my team. want him?

Saw Spider-Man yesterday. Not bad. I guess my ‘official review is this: Not as bad as I expected, not as good as I hoped. So there you go. It was kinda fun to get to go, even though we got there and my fandango tickets weren’t ready when I got there. I’m still trying to work that out. bah.

Not a lot else is going on lately. I still need a job and can’t find one, and in all the other stupid stuff I’ve been trying to get done it has slipped down quite a few notches on Ye Olde Prioritye Liste. Which sucks, but doesn’t, because I’m not having a lot of luck anyway. grrr.

I’ll catch up on my other stuff later. Right now I am off to the web to look for work again but not find any because everyone wants more experience or sets a pay scale I can only laugh at. K, bye.

ok, that’s not really true. there’s just stuff in my head I want to get out so I can go to bed and snuggle with Scooter…

-Watched “Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back” recently. it was pretty good, actually. For not being a person who enjoys ’stoner’ humor, there was still plenty to laugh at. And the extra stuff is tight! It’s cool to have someone really care about the dvd experience and take the time to do it right. Thanks, Kevin. From this film I have picked up a useful phrase: Fuck them. Fuck them in their stupid asses! It doesn’t matter who ‘they’ are. Apply it to any situation.

-JeffRo finally got his Queer As Folk DVD issues straightened out (heh..QUEER as folk issues STRAIGHTened out…heh…) so we got to watch more of it tonight. New phrase: I’m going to go arrange the daisies. yeah. that’ll make it’s way into everyday vocabulary, I’m sure. A few times tonight JeffRo and I said the same thing at the same time. Scooter and his friend were terrified of us in a weird way. But then, sometimes I am terrified of us in a weird way. I have these moments of “but he was born in the 80’s for sobbing out loud! THE EIGHTIES! He’s younger than my brother who I don’t have a helluva lot in common with. And he’s a Scorpio too! That shit ain’t right. How do I not want to kill him like, all the time?????” And then he comes over and we go someplace and terrorize someone and we say the same thing at the same time or we both love the same pointless item in the mall or he makes some weird weird joke and I fully get it but nobody else does, or something, and we end up amusing the hell out of each other and precisely zero other people, and I remember why I like JeffRo all over again. He’s sort of a new friend, so we’re still getting to know each other a bit, but it’s like we did all the hard stuff already even though we never did it, so now it’s like we’re old friends or something. Old friends who giggle a lot. No, really. a LOT. yeah.

-Watched ET with Josh and JeffRo. Both of them, let’s say, bat for the other team. So we’re watching the movie, and we get to the part where Gertie is in bed and mom is reading Peter Pan to her. She gets to the bit with Tinkerbell and “clap if you believe in fairies!!” and both their heads simultaneously turn towards me. I rolled my eyes and said “Oh, LIKE I have a choice!” which they both really liked. In fact, we were 3/5 of the audience, which was kinda fun. It makes watching a big screen movie a totally different thing to be most of the people in the theatre.

-I haven’t mentioned lately how much I love MetaFilter and so I feel I should mention it now. I love metafilter! Love love love it. They are terribly interesting, lots of fun, kinda weird, and thought provoking at times, sort of like me (don’t I wish!). I’m summoning the courage to contribute to the front page soon. I want to find a link I really dig, or something deeply topical. I don’t need to give Scooter or anyone else another outlet for teasing by creating a post and linking to the wrong person.

-I’m going to move my blog soon, I hope. I want to set it up on my own website, which was part of the purpose of having my own website. So hopefully I can make this happen at some point when I have time, which means the part of my life when I’m not not sleeping or working in the yard or finding a job or goofing off with JeffRo. Apparently now that I have all this time I need to organize it or something…

-I’m feeling more like sleeping now. I think this helped. I need to add a bit to my honeydo list and then I can retire for the night. rar…